This is the first in what I hope to be a series of little inventions or societal adjustments I'd like to see implemented, but don't really have the time or know-how to fully implement myself. However, since they're overflowing with such obvious potential benefit to society, I'm happy to toss them into the collective mind pool, step back, and allow the smarter and more ambitious citizens to reap the undoubtable profits and glory.
Anyway, my first Super Brilliant Idea has to do with the New York City Subway.
You know how the turnstiles "beep" whenever you slide your Metrocard through? Usually there are ten or so turnstiles in a row, all beeping at the same time. In theory, they're all programmed to beep at exactly the same pitch. But unfortunately, because of what must either be technical decay or some conniving MTA programmer's anti-social dementia, the turnstiles often beep at slightly different pitches, only a half-step apart or so. What results is tormentingly brutal cocophany of "beeps" that irks to no end.
Now a lot of folks probably don't overtly notice this, but I believe these smaller details affect all of us and contribute to the negative aura that surrounds the "New Yorker's are unhappy and cruel" stereotype. People thrive in harmony. If you disagree, you can go fuck yourself, 'cause it's true.
So here's my Super Brilliant Idea: Yo, MTA. Program each series of turnstiles to play actual, distinct notes. They could all be spread out at certain intervals so as to create different chords. A Major chord at one station, a Minor one at another. Diminished, Dominant 7, Major 7, come on! You could vary it up from station to station and it would be totally great. I'd suggest programming musical scales as well, but that might suck just a little bit.
Sure, it may not be the most practical use of MTA funds, but hey, just call it a Public Arts program or something. I mean, they installed that weird bing-bong sounding thing on the 34th St. N/R/W platform, right?
Check out This Is Broken for another, slightly-more-practical turnstile idea. Mine's cooler though.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Super Brilliant Idea
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3 comments:
It would kind of awesome if the chords went with what type of train you were taking, i.e. F Train, you get an F chord; 6 train, the notes go up a 6th with each turnstile. It would be even COOLER if, say there was an F Major chord at a bigger stop (West 4th), and an F Minor at a smaller stop.
This idea breaks down somewhere around the J train.
Also! Unsarcastic thanks for misspelling "cacophony" as "cocophany." I think "Coco Fanny" would be a great 70's porn name. And she needs a big afro. I think I'll work that into my next (first?) novel. :)
- kathy
Oh, yeah. That was totally intentional.
Also, I don't see why a "J" chord shouldn't exist. It's probably just beyond the spectrum of human hearing. I bet dogs hear "J" chords all the time.
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