Thursday, January 27, 2005

Extra! Extra! Read All About it! Associated Press Spoils Final Star Wars Film!

Jackson's Character Dies in 'Star Wars'

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) -- Samuel L. Jackson dies in his next huge film - but he does it in a really cool way. Director George Lucas assured the actor that his Jedi knight character would go out in a blaze of glory in the forthcoming "Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith," and the director apparently made good on his promise.

"It's rousing," Jackson told the San Francisco Chronicle in Sunday's editions. "It's a great light-saber battle with 102 moves in three big rooms."

"It's funny," said Lucas. "Even after all of the criticism I've received--about Jar Jar, excessive CGI, and overall poor writing and character development--I still felt people might actually want to come out and see this last movie. But by revealing Sam's death to the public, I think we've successfully eliminated any and all suspense and anticipation for Episode III."

Jackson agreed. "I love George, and I love Shit Wars. Oh wait, sorry. I meant Star Wars. Did I really say Shit Wars? Ha. You can edit that out, right? Wait. This isn't even me talking, is it? Is this Chris Principe inserting his personal opinion into this article?"

Lucas nodded while he finished chewing his fingers, and the two shared a laugh.

"Oh my, George," said Jackson. "Your fingers have turned to chocolate."


Anonymous said...

does this mean we can start a fight about which star wars is the best? i'm torn between empire strikes back and return of the jedi. i mean i like fuzzy bear creatures as much as the next person, but come on you can't beat all those scenes on Hoth... (a parody of which you can find on Family Guy sort of, except it's a camel they slice open).

Neal K said...

Star Wars, that's that thing with the Klingons and that guy from Boston Legal, right?

So I was watching Star Trek II: The Search for Spock the other day, and I realized that it's the first time the Klingons have any kind of significant role in the movies.

In the Original Series (which I could never really get into) the Klingons where just mild mannered guys with goatees. No makeup, no attitude. But now there all crazy badass warriors.

I realized that Christopher Lloyd plays the first Klingon that's what we (well at least Chris and I) think of as real Klingons. So the whole alien race is actually made up of people doing Christopher Lloyd impressions.

Geoffrey said...

Wow. That last paragraph brought a tear to my eye. Hollywood actors talking about their own marketability always gets me.

I'm referring of course to the real article and not Mr. Principe's patented chocolate-finger twist ending.

Alex said...

Oh, Geoff, you douchebag, MOST of that article is a Principe original. That's why he's the funniest man alive, and you're just the dirt he stepped in this morning.

As for Klingons, here's a special nerd-note: They either are doing, or just did an episode of Enterprise which explains/ed the non-bumpy to bumpy Klingon transition.

I do not watch Enterprise, btw, I just like to keep appraised of these things.

Anonymous said...

I liked the old "you are a douchebag" routine better when the Three Stooges did it. It just doesn't work without the visual of Moe poking Curly in the eyes with the very fingers Curly has chosen. The irony is truly delectable, the tension of the echoing "douchebag" at the moment of eye socket pentration palpably forboding.