Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Clap On, Clap Off

So something occurred to me last night. I was at home, sitting down on my comfortable sofa and staring at the television screen, which was off. The remote control to the television was at the other end of the couch. And the thing was, I really wanted to watch television. But, as I said, the remote control was all the way at the other end of the couch.

Are you sensing my problem here?

Anyway, I didn’t end up watching any television, but what did occur to me is how convenient it would've been if I could've turned on the television by doing something really easy and simple, like…I don’t know…clapping my hands together twice.

But, wait a minute! Such an amazing invention already exists. And not only that, it has existed for what must be fifteen years or so. And for some reason, I could even sing a theme song about it. But then I suddenly realized: No no no no no, Chris. The Clapper is not cool and it's not convenient. It’s stupid and it's lame, and if you go and buy it, then you’ll be stupid and lame.

But why do I find myself feelling this way? Why can’t we take The Clapper seriously?

I mean, it’s an awesome idea and seems really handy. Yet, for some reason I associate it with this cheesy, vaguely depressing, late-seventies-esque brand. You know: those low-budget commercials, that annoying theme song, and (what?) Chia Pets.

Yes, Chia Pets. I’m sorry if everybody but me already knew this, but apparently both The Clapper and Chia Pets are made by the same company. And with that, all of my questions about The Clapper’s universally accepted lameness were answered.

Introducing Joseph Enterprises, Inc., makers of such fine products as The Clapper, Chia Pet & Chia Head, Famous Chia, and such not-as-fine products as: Chia Cat Grass, The Ove Glove, and of course, the patented Chimney Sweeping Log.

Their site's worth a good thirty-second visit, I'd say. While you're there, see if you can find any difference between the nightmare-inducing Chia Guy, Chia Kid, and Chia Clown.


Alex said...

I should probably mention that we actually had a clapper in my apartment for a while, which one of my roomies friends got her as a joke.

I actually forgot about it, until just now. I wonder what happened to it...

Alex said...

Also, jesus christ, Shrek and Donkey chia heads? So you can grow afros on them, just like in the hit movies?

Jeff said...

The Chia Shrek is funny to me, perhaps only because it sounds like someone meant to say Chia Pet but unfortunately started coughing up blood halfway through.

Anonymous said...

Chia Garfield? Oh my.

Anonymous said...

I hate Mondays.

Anonymous said...

I love lasagna

Anonymous said...

Someone shot both my Chia Garfield AND my Chia Lincoln!