Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Brain Post # Five Bajillion Probably

I don’t know if this happens to other people, but I think my brain handles heavy memorization pretty strangely. But it’s not the actual memorization part I have trouble with; it’s the storage/retrieval part that I don’t quite understand.

BOOM features this one sketch in particular that requires some pretty intense memory-committing. If you’ve seen it, you probably know what I’m talking about. If not, maybe I’ll whisper it into your ear while you sleep tonight.

Anyway, this morning’s coffee line at the Mud Truck was long enough for me to kinda prepare what I was gonna say when it was my turn to order. It was short and sweet (just like me) and I pretty much say it every day so the words come pretty easily: “Small Milk ‘n Sugar Please.” But when the time came, instead of my brain retrieving those five carefully thought-out words, I started spewing out the long paragraph I’ve gone and memorized and stored in my databanks for BOOM.

So, yeah. Why exactly does this happen?! 'Cause it's definitely happened before.

Since I’m already on a roll here, and 67% of you have probably stopped reading anyway, here’s something else: When EL’s all backstage waiting to start a show, sometimes I’ll freak out and somehow convince myself that I’ve forgotten all of my lines. To quell the anxiety, I’ll start pacing around while speaking them out loud. Now I guess that's kinda normal, but what’s not normal and is in fact strange and weird is that when I’m in this frantic state of mind trying to simultaneously remember all of my lines, I’ll suddenly start to say the first sketch monologue I ever had to memorize from a skits-o-phrenics show five years ago. It’s from a sketch called The Manly Trial, and I’m the prosecuting attorney and I say, “Thank you, your Honor. Mr. Macantyre is being charged with a first degree gender-role violation” and that’s as far as I get before realizing I’m fucking crazy.

THE END.

In closing, here’s a FunFact for you about Jeff:

You may not know this, but Jeffrey “I’m So Smart” Solomon has a motherfucking photographic memory. So if he ever bails out on you or something because “he forgot,” he’s actually LYING TO YOU.

3 comments:

Alex said...

Or he's lying about having a photographic memory.

Interesting fact: I once knew a girl who had photographic mammaries.

No, now I'm lying.

Anonymous said...

I don't know why, but I found this post really sexy. Maybe because I'm tired, but the subtle combination of honesty, sincerity and charm made my heart all a flutter. Cute.

-not hitting on you, just keepin' it real

Jeff said...

1) This anonymous person isn't going to wait around forever, Chris. Go to her. Or him or it. Go to the anonymous person.

2) It occurs to me that I am the source of some of kind of massive memory-related frustration for you, Mr. Principe, and for this I apologize (with caveats):
...a. Sorry for writing that really long paragraph that embarassed you at the Mud Truck. (Though seriously, that sketch has nothing to do with coffee in the least. Wtf, dude?)
...b. Sorry for co-writing that "Manly Trial" sketch with you a really long time ago. (Though I'm not sure that sketch is worth remembering at all, especially not verbatim.)
...c. Sorry for having a slick-ass photographic memory that puts all other memories to SHAME! (Though it's not photographic in the Cam Jansen sense, I'm just able to memorize written words and numerical sequences pretty quickly. They say the average number of random integers that most people can memorize in a row without mnemonic devices is 7, and mine seems to be higher than that.)

3. Brain posts rock! Keep 'em coming. For my sake, if not anonymous's.