Tuesday, July 19, 2005

We’re Gonna Read The Bible

A few Saturdays ago, my roommate and I were sitting in Tompkins Square, eating and pontificating and whatnot.

I’d just flown back into New York the night before and was trying to explain how airplanes renew, what I guess you could call, my Faith.

Whenever I fly, or even see planes flying overhead, I’m reminded of how things still happen to and around me that I just don’t understand. How, from that limited cavemannesque perspective, a huge heavy tube of winged metal somehow flying up into the air still seems amazing and kind of impossible. And how when I dwell on that thought for a bit, that happy, white-bearded, holy cloudman—or at least the ideas surrounding him—don’t seem totally crazy.

Mr. Atheist was in the middle of explaining wing design and aerodynamics when a crazy puppet show started blasting music from across the park. Neither of us thought much of it at first; from what we could see, it was just some blue puppet with a guitar stapled to his hands, rockin’ out to the hits of the seventies, eighties, and today.

It actually wasn’t until the second or third song when we realized it wasn’t just an ordinary street performer. Turns out, it was a Christian Bible puppet show, and it had somehow attracted a whole crowd of kids who were seriously digging it.

The song that tipped us off was Billy Joel’s, We Didn’t Start The Fire. But instead of We Didn’t Start The Fire, it was We’re Gonna Read The Bible.

The Monkees’ I’m A Believer, understandably, came shortly afterward, followed by a catchy rendition of Huey Lewis’s B2TFuture hit, The Power of Love God ("don't need money/don't need fame/don't need no credit card to praise his name").

Though the Christian puppet didn’t succeed in converting either of us, his performance did provide one revelation: If you’re looking to make a solid, Christian rock parody, all you really have to do is find a love song, and substitute the word God with Love.

A nice, little poetic core of an idea, and probably the main reason I’ve never felt the need to adopt any sort of organized religion.

Then, in some weird cosmic punctuation of a moment, a girl from a neighborhood sex-ed campaign handed us each a dozen condoms. So we put ‘em on our dicks and chewed the rest like bubblegum!


Jeff said...

I find it interesting that the puppet show featured hits from the 70s, 80s and today, yet it completely skipped the 90s.

It's funny, whenever I think of that phrase in my head, I do the same thing, completely forgetting that we don't live in the 90s any more. I thought this would have stopped happening about 3 years ago.

Or maybe you were serious, and the puppets just couldn't cull a single good Bible/Love song out of an entire ten year's worth of Limp Bizkit and Goo Goo Dolls. I guess this is also possible.

baz said...

i couldn't help but run through some ideas for christian parody songs using yr love=god formula. i gave up after i came up with "radar god" (based on gold earings' "hit" "radar love"):

I've been prayin' all night, my hand's wet on the wheel
There's a voice in my head that drives my heel
It's the lord a-callin', says I need you here
And it's half past four and I'm shifting gear

When you're lonely and the longing gets too much
he sends a cable comin' in from above
We don't need no phone at all
We've got a thing that's called radar god
he's got a wave in the air, radar god

i could go on, but i won't.

Alex said...

Here's your 90's:

(To the tune of Nirvana's "Rape Me")

God me
God me, my friend
God me
God me, again

I am the only one [4x]

Love me
Do it and do it again
Pray to me
God me, my friend

I am the only one [4x]

My favorite inside source
I'll kiss your open sores
Appreciate your concern
You'll always stink and burn

God me
God me, my friend
God me
God me, again

I am the only one [4x]

God me! [17x]

Alex said...

Oh, also, Cartman did this in an episode of "South Park."

Anonymous said...

Just when I was checking this out, Amy Grant's "Baby Baby" just came on the non-threatening radio station here at work.

Of course I hear the song as "Satan Satan".

Hi guys & gals.
-Jordi B.