You Know What's Unfair?

When it's 1995 and you sign up for your first America Online account with the name “skyple” because you're a teenager and you think it sounds cool because it's sorta based on a song by your favorite band and then as AOL slowly opens its gates up to the greater internet and branches out into instant messaging you manage, amidst the whole cyberwave of new communication, to hold onto your first original screenname and eventually begin to feel this strange sort of pride like, "yeah, man, I've had this baby for ten freakin' years," and it gets to the point where little trivialities like that start to play a larger and larger part of your sense of self and worth and then all of a sudden, presumably out of nowhere some stupid company from Luxembourg spearheads some stupid new computer-phone-talk technology with a stupid name and suddenly makes your formerly awesome screenname seem instantly lame and vapid and crappy.

Also, kicking hobos.