Tuesday, October 25, 2005

They Have Come Back From The Dead!!

The dreaded day has come at last.

After three patient months, Shaun of the Dead has finally reached the #1 slot of my Netflix queue and awaits me quietly at home. And, as it's reportedly brilliant and hilarious, I will, in theory, watch it. Though I really really really don’t want to.

I hate zombies.

Not the goofy, harmless, sketch comedy zombies everyone loves to joke about. I’m talkin’ real, dirty, rotted flesh and relentlessly brain-mongering, reanimated-corpse zombies. I hate them. They frighten me and they’re horrible and terrifying and have given me nightmares for as long as I can remember.

You can reason with vampires. Perhaps even a werewolf. And if a vampire actually bites you, at least you get to lead that sexy, cunning, vampire life afterwards—orgies, night acrobatics, and the like. And being a werewolf probably has cool aspects too. A tragic heroism, or something. Vampires and werewolves, though monsters, still retain some semblance of humanity. And though tortured, it’s a humanity awesome enough to inspire almost awesome movies.

But zombies? Forget it. Zombies just want to jump on you, rub their filthy rotted flesh all up in your face and plunge their teeth into your forehead until they break your skin and crack your skull and that’s terrifying to me.

Unsurprisingly, I really haven’t seen any zombie movies at all (assuming The Mummies don't count). BUT. In the spirit of confronting irrational fears, and with Halloween on its way (sure why not) it seems time to catch up. Introducing...


My goal: to watch the scariest zombie movie ever made (I don't know what this is yet).
When: by the end of 2005.
How: by slowly progressing from funny-and-not-so-scary zombie films, to not-funny-and-decently-scary zombie films, to shit-you-pants-and-hug-your-blanky zombie films.
Hence: Shaun of the Dead awaiting my inevitable return home.

So, friends, wish me luck. Any and all suggestions for goddamn horrifying zombie films are much appreciated, if not begrudgingly encouraged.


Ted said...

Other good funnier than scary zombie movies :
Return Of The Living Dead
Night Of The Creeps (although not technically zombies, but zombie-like and really fun (remake "Slither" is about to be released)
Weekend At Bernies II* (cuz that's when the voodoo chieftain reanimates Bernie's body to HILARIOUS effect...)

But Shaun rules.

*Do NOT actually rent this.

Anonymous said...

28 Days Later should go on your list if you haven't seen it yet. Be sure to ignore the silly alternative ending(s) on the DVD.

Alex said...

Dawn of The Dead (the new one) is HILARIOUS. You should rent that next, Chris.

Anonymous said...

It's official. Alex is evil. Chris, don't listen to him. Dawn of the Dead is not HILARIOUS. Maybe you'll be ready for it on like around December 29th.

But I must admit I was laughing out loud for awhile after I read his suggestion. Come to think of it, evil always makes me laugh.

Biz and/or Jordi said...


I can't watch snake movies of any kind, even horrible cgi ones that look like cartoons...so I have to get over my fear before "Snakes on a Plane" (because I will HAVE to see it...and I want to).

If you watch "Shaun of the Dead" - which is awesome and a good choice for you - then I'll watch all the snakey parts from "The Jungle Book".



A friend suggested that I see Shaun of the Dead so I rented it one night. I LOVED IT!!! It's actually really funny. It's kind of a mix between Clerks, Buffy the Vampire Slayer ( ... but with zombies), and Return of the Living Dead.

And, ohhhh Netflix ... I'm addicted! :)

Geoffrey said...

Vampires are my weakness. It just seems infinitely more likely that they would exist in some form or fashion, like crazy goths trying to suck my blood after seducing me.

Maybe not infinitely.

Neal K said...

Besides, Chris, weren't you shot while seeing Dawn of the Dead? Or maybe you were shot while being in Dawn of the Dead or even directing it...?

christopher said...

Thanks for the suggestions, everyone. And Jordi, you have yourself a deal.

I watched Shaun last night and it was f'in awesome. Just really funny and brilliant all around, and I only had two nightmarish moments last night.

Trying to think of a good next-step zombie movie now. Like an Indiana Jones of zombies or something. If not, maybe 28 Days Later. Hit me up if you have any more suggestions.

Anonymous said...

I have never seen this, nor do I know how to find it. But if you're looking for zombie movies, check out "Night of the Day of the Dawn of the Son of the Bride of the Return of the Revenge of the Terror of the Attack of the Evil, Mutant, Alien, Flesh Eating, Hellbound, Zombified Living Dead Part 2: In Shocking 2-D"


- Babish

Alex said...

My Boyfriend's Back