Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Psychic Hallway

As some of you know, yesterday was Halloween. A time for people to wear costumes, other people to wear sexy versions of those same costumes and ghosts. In the spirit of those ghosts, I did something last night that I've always wanted to do once: I visited a psychic.

It was a very disappointing experience.

First of all, the psychic herself had pretty clearly just woken up and read the fortunes of my friend Kay and I with her eyelids about 2/3rds closed. Second of all, the place was tiny, even by hole-in-the-wall psychic grotto standards. It was basically the 3'x3' landing of a carpeted stairwell. Third of all, there was no crystal ball. Guh!

The price breakdown went:
$10 for a face reading
$20 for a palm reading
$30 for both (math!)
$40 for tarot cards

Kay went first and chose a palm reading. After seeing that our psychic didn't even have the decency to trace Kay's palm-lines and mutter things like "Hmmm...very interesting," I went with a nice simple face reading. Here's what I learned:

-I'm a leader, not a follower
-I don't like being told what to do
-something about a girl with an "L" in her name...she couldn't be more specific
-I'm gonna have twins
-I'm gonna be married within three years

So time is short. The sooner you can start saving baby clothes, the better. Lorelyn and I are gonna need all the help I can get with two mouths to feed! The little terrors!


Adam's Story said...

Once, in the quaint little neighbhorhood of San Francisco known as the Tenderloin, I visited a psychic (it was half-price day). Afeter reading my palm and turning over tarot cards, she concluded that three of my seven soul-colors were "out of alignment." This was serious.

"What can I do?" I asked.

I would have to come back to see her three more times for an hour long re-alignment sessions, she said. Incense would be lit, incantations incanted, and then everything would be A-OK... all for the low low price of ninety dollars a color!

To this day, my colors are still out of whack, which -- according to the psychic -- makes me unlovable, likely to die young, and prone to violent fits.

Strangely, I felt the same way after visiting a strip club across the street.

The moral? Stay away from the Tenderloin, kids.

Anonymous said...

Just remember Geoff, I'd like the little ones to call me GrungePa.

signed, your Pa

Chris S. said...

Lila, Lillian and LL Bean are going to be devastated.

Biz and/or Jordi said...

I went to the Berkeley Psychic Institute (Berkeley, CA.) as a 21st birthday gift and was read by five students at once who drew my aura with crayons on a paper. One of the students at one point said: "Wow!" and another said: "Yeah, I see that!" I said "What, what?" They said that I was emitting a lot of white and purple light which is healing and magical.
And that's the story of why I'm so rad.


PS - I haven't had my "three children" yet.

PPS - They also told me that whenever I get a twitch in my eye, it's because there's a spirit (they called a "baby being" which wanted the body I...inhabit now (don't make fun of me!) and that the "baby being" is trying to get inside my body and knock my...current-me-spirit-"being" out. But since the eyes are windows to the soul...my eyes are being the bodyguard against unwanted "baby beings".

Oh, and I'm not crazy.

Alex said...

And then I told my story!

I was at an AIDS Dance-A-Thon (for curing AIDS, I mean. I'm sure you got confused), and they had a fortune teller, so of course I turned in some of my participant tickets.

Now, surprisingly, the guy I sat down got everything very right:"You just started seeing someone, yes?" And in fact, I had been dating my very first girlfriend for just two weeks. "And you met through friends?" and I did meet her through friends. And on and on it went, right thing after right thing, which totally convinced me I was in the presence of a real psychic, until he said:

"Well, listen, this guy might not be the one, but you and he will be very happy together. Later, you will meet the guy that you will spend the rest of yoru life with."