I Know Waffles

Geoff Haggerty makes a lot of big talk about being a waffler. Sometimes he likes waffles, sometimes he likes sandwiches...

Now, I'm no BIG CITY lawyer like Geoff HAGgerty. I'm just a small-town boy, like you. I grew up here. I know our ways. And I know waffles.

I want y'all to imagine something for me now. Mmm, hmm. That's right, close yer eyes good and tight. Now imagine you're back in ya' mamas kitchen. It's morning. You've just woken up, and you have a hard day of ploughin' wheat ahead a ya.

Why, what's that on ya mama's stove? It ain't no sandwich. You smell that? It ain't Paul Rudd neither.

[Pause for laughter.]

Mmm, mmm. It's yo' mama's homemade waffles, drizzled with fine maple syrup, two eggs sizzlin' in the skillet with home fries and toast on the side.

Now, that sounds like a good breakfast. And ah should know breakfast. I've served each and every one ah yuh from the time yuh wuh in swaddlin' pants, at mah diner slash day cahe centuh.

So you can choose a man who don't know the diffuhrence buhtwuhn waffles and sandwiches. A man who dresses in three million dollar suits just to take a poop and have his servants eat it. That's right. Geoff Haggerty makes his servants eat human feces.

But ah digress.

When you vote this Tuesday, do you want someone that doesn't understand you, or someone that does? I think the choice is clear:

Vite yuh Huht: Alexanduh Zuhbuh for Elephuh Luh's Gruh Buh