Things To Do On The Subway In Order Of Decreasing Humanity

1) Sit and be present. Explore your surroundings. Smile at your fellow subwaypeople. Err on the side of creepy. Be in New York.

2) Read a book. This is for self-distraction and begins our exploration into the insular bubble one often needs to travel in a crowded, flourescent metal box. But at least if you're reading a book you can always peer over it at the cute kid making all the racket, smile and roll your eyes. Kids!

3) Read a newspaper. It's a little bigger, making those sideways glances much more difficult.

4) Read AM New York. Not that I don't do this every once in a while, but you're really forfeiting human interaction on purpose at this point.

5) Read The Post. Hulk Smash!

6) Go to sleep because you're tired. Hey, you were out late last night! Besides, you can always just dream about everyone else in the car.

7) Listen to iPod. At the very least you're sending a message. And that message is "I'm listening to an iPod." I'm not judging or anything. I wish I had an iPod.

8) Listen to your portable CD player. There is no message here. This is me.

9) And finally, play cellphone games. Revert back to unicellular form. This is me.