Thursday, March 08, 2007

The Island

Um, this might have been the greatest movie ever. At least the first hour and a half.

(Is it a sign of aging that you dislike long movies more and more? Cuz they're taking up more of the precious little time you have left? Whoa, sorry. Nihilistic interlude over!)

Pro's of "The Island"

-insane, insane action sequences. Of course. I'm not even saying they're any good. Which I guess they are. They're just INSANE. You have no idea what's going on. LET'S HAVE THEM FALL OFF THE BUILDING AND HIT EVERYTHING ON THE WAY DOWN AND SURVIVE. Well OK, Mr. Bay, sounds good to me!

-Ewan McGregor. Dude's good.

-Sean Bean. Underrated villain.

-will Steve Buscemi ever get tired of delivering limp comic relief lines in big-time actioners? Example:

Ewan McGregor: What's God?
Steve Buscemi: Well, you know, when you want something really bad and you close your eyes and you wish for it? God's the guy that ignores you.

Hahahahoh. Sigh.

-Djimon Hounsou's character reversal. Hilarious!

Con's of "The Island"

-rampant misogyny. Takes you out of the game a bit. I think every character has an uncomfortable line leering at Scarlett Johansson's body. Instead of trying to make a joke about that and accidentally leering at Scarlett Johansson's body myself, I'll just leave it alone. (See? Didn't work.)

-the clearly conservative message that stem cell research is wrong. Although there's something to be said for the easy realization of the flaccid message they're trying to convey. "So these peoples are clones whose organs are harv- oh I know what's going on." I debated putting this in the pro's. I like feeling smart.

Anyway, I just want to make it clear that this movie was terrible. But if you want to watch an action movie and not think, you could certainly do worse than "The Island".

If you want any more movie reviews from the Summer of 2005, just let me know and I'll NetFlix it.


Ted said...

Yes, bad movie, filmmaking-wise. But it could've been a better movie story-wise if they had never let you know that they were clones in a clone-factory. Then when they came into the real world it would've been a big shock for them and the audience (!!). It would've also then been very strange and suspenseful for Scarlett to see herself on a billboard (!!!). Then it would've been even more "Whathafuck?!(tm)" when Ewan runs into himself. (!!!!!!!!!)

Instead, you knew everything all the time and there was no addition to also being very Michael Bay-y.

If you need me, I'll be over here overanalyzing "Face Off".

Murchie said...

Molly and I had a talk about how hilariously Hollywood the yacht designer's life story was.

"How are you a hugely wealthy designer of multimillion-dollar avant garde custom yachts?"

"Well, I always used to draw boats as a kid."


"I did really well in high school math, so I spent about six years getting a master's in MechE and naval engineering. Then I did about a two year internship designing door handles and pasta drainers for Carnival cruise lines. Then I caught a real break and got to design basically fiberglass waterskiing boats. Spent a lot of time at convention center boat shows with that job. Not a lot of money. Anyway, fast forward 15 years, and here I am!"

K said...

I agree with Ted re: how amazing it would have been if we had not known etc. etc. Also, with regard to the movie's mysogynistic tendences, Scarlett Johansson certainly doesn't help herself by basically acting like a headless ass. She's like a walking giant boobie. It is better than Timeline, thought. Now THERE'S a waste of digital space.

Geoffrey said...

Ohhhhhhhhhhh, Timeline. Timeline is the fourth worst movie I've ever seen, chronologically speaking.

The first three are The Avengers, Out Of Sight and Showtime.

Oh, apparently I've posted about it.

AND K has COMMENTED on it.

I think we've reached the other side of the blog...

Geoffrey said...

Whoops, wrong link.

K said...

OMG IT WAS ALMOST ONE YEAR AGO TO THE DAY AS THIS POST. I think somebody pushed my joke reset button. Weird. However I do like the idea of an annual reminder of how bad Timeline is.


K said...

Hmmm...I guess I meant "It was almost one year ago to the day THAT I wrote that post," or something? I don't speak English.