Batman: The Ride

I went to Six Flags: Great Adventure yesterday, which, as a Staten Islander, has always been my very own DisneyWorld next door. (Boy am I glad Stefan is out of town so he doesn't have to see that comparison. Portland, OR gets no internet, right?)

Anyway, it was a tremendously successful trip. I went on El Toro, a relatively new ride that has the steepest drop I've ever been on. I went on Nitro, which held that distinction before El Toro. I went on El Toro again, which was strangely more terrifying the second time around. I went on Medusa, which is a nice solid coaster. I went on a small cadre of water flumes which were rickety but serviceable on such a hot day. I didn't get to go on Kingda Ka, the tallest, fastest roller coaster in the world, but that's OK. I was having a good time.

And then I went on the worst roller coaster I have ever been on. And strangely enough, it was Batman: The Ride.


This came as a blow. Batman: The Ride used to be the gold standard. It was the ride you went to Six Flags for. Your legs hung down and you went on the OUTSIDE of the loops. It was nuts and we all loved it.

Now? It's a relic. Instead of smoothly turning and twisting and flipping like the new coasters, it gradually moves in increments, starting and stopping, starting and stopping while zooming at (admittedly) high speeds. But all that stopping makes your head hurt and your stomach swim. And not in a good way. Basically, it sticks instead of glides. And it sucks.

Not only that, you are forced to claustrophobically stare at all the harnesses keeping you in place the whole time. The new rides are smooth affairs with tremendous sight lines of how goddamn high you are.

We are at the end of an era and it's time Six Flags recognize that. Batman: The Ride has outlived its usefulness.

Tear it down and make a Green Lantern ride.