A reason to dislike those silly baby girl type dresses all the young ladies seem to be wearing this summer:
On this morning's ride into Manhattan, a young pregnant woman stepped into my subway car, hovering just a few passengers down from where I was seated. Nobody got up for her, which struck me as rude and so disappointingly New York. I'm not sure if you know this about me, but I'm a pretty amazing person. And since this young woman was looking the other way, I had to signal in her general direction to communicate, "Hey, I'm a gentlemen who has a seat for you." It was mid wave when I glanced down at her belly and quickly sat back down and looked the other way before anyone caught even a glimpse of my intended chivalry.
You see, she was wearing one of those frocky dresses. And that, combined with the way her body was built, made her appear exactly 50% pregnant. Not only had I never before seen anything like it, but it left me in a total no-win situation. This woman was either: a) actually pregnant, and we were all being rude selfish assholes, or she was b) sporting a little extra baggage, and my calling her over to the other side of the subway car to take my seat would send a clear "you look like a pregnant fatty" message. So I just did what we all do best: nothing.
And then, at 34th street, her water broke.
Nah. Just kidding. Though that would've definitely cleared up the situation.
No soup for me, right?
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Frock Rockers
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6 comments:
Cheezus crisp, you had me for a second with that water-breaking fake-out. Well played, Sir.
No. You DO get soup, but it's made of amniotic fluid...and lentils.
Eh, thatsa salty soup!
Chris,
One month ago I met a woman at a party who seriously, seriously looked pregnant. Everything about her looked pregnant, shape, ample bosoms, a 'glow' even...so what did I do? I asked: "So when are you due?" (NOOOOOOOO!!!) She said: "Oh, I'm not pregnant but we had a baby" (STUPIDHEAD! STUPIDHEAD!) "Oh? (CHOKING ON WORDS) How old is your baby?"
"We lost her at six months"
There are no words to describe how much of an asshole I felt and how I wish that the party had run me out of town with torches, but instead of hiding, I said exactly how I felt - burning face pale and red at the same time as the draining color was replaced by hot ash and apologised. She said she gets asked that a lot and that it's okay. She looked like a beautiful pregnant woman but I swear that I will never ask that question ever, ever again.
Lady should've kept better track of her baby.
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