Here's the deal: I read pretty quickly. When I was younger, I used to come home from elementary school, pull our newest text-book out of my bag, and read it cover to cover before dinner.
Also when I was younger, I was a huge nerd. When I was younger, that is.
Now, although the speed of my reading hasn't really decreased, I have infinitely less time to do it in. Basically the only time I read is in the morning and at night, on the subway to and from work. As my commute is about 15-20 minutes long, that doesn't give me a lot of time to read. What it does give me, however, is enough time to get some significant plot points injested into my brain, and spat out in a small capsule review, for you, the Bloggy Reader!
Without further ado, welcome to the first installment of my Book Club! What makes this a Book Club, you ask? Well, since I'm reading so slowly, it'll give you plenty of time to pick up the book I'm reading, and read along with me, and chat about it in the comments section. Or not, suit yourself.
On with the show!
I've resisted reading The DaVinci Code for a while now, as I'm one of those jerks who gets turned off by really popular books. You know how some people are about music, where they won't listen to Top 40 or Pop? I'm like that with books.
I pre-ordered a copy of The Corrections based on a recommendation of the author from a friend. But by the time it arrived, I was already sick of the pre-release hype, and it ended up sitting on my bookshelf for over a year. Turns out, it's pretty great, but thats besides the point.
With The DaVinci Code, it struck me as EuroTrip meets Indiana Jones. So far, I haven't been proven wrong.
We begin with some old dude locking himself in The Louvre, so he can escape an albino with a gun. And you know the albino is evil, cause, well, skin pigmentation issues.
The Evil Albino demands that the Louvre Dude tell him some secret, and reveals that he's killed everybody else who knew the secret. So then EA shoots LD, but decides to leave him with just a gut wound, so that LD will have enough time to put up some sort of cryptic messages in The Louvre before he dies. The Author decides that, by the way, not the Albino, who conveniently ran out of bullets after shooting the Louvre Dude once.
Enter our hero, Robert Langdon, who groggily wakes up from his sleepy sleep in a fluffy bed in glowing Paris. Seriously, every single noun in this entire book so far has some sort of qualifier attached to it. Which makes the book achingly dull.
Turns out, he was supposed to meet with LD the night before, but LD inconveniently died and didn't call him. So Interpol shows up, and takes Langdon to the Louvre, where he meets some French dudes, including a fat guy.
Meanwhile, across town, the Evil Albino calls his mysterious master on a cell phone, and reveals that the Keystone is hidden in Paris itself! And the Keystone will help them obtain MOST FABULOUS TREASURE!
Also, both the Evil Albino and his Shadowy Master are RELIGIOUS, and therefore more evil than we expected.
What they don't know is that the Louvre Dude lied to the Evil Albino! As did every other protector of the Keystone! So the Evil Albino actually has no idea where the Keystone is! The only one who can solve the mystery now is... Robert Langdon!
End of page 25!
That's as far as I got. So far, this book is the worst written piece of trash I've ever seen.
Friday, December 03, 2004
Alex's Book Club: The DaVinci Code
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8 comments:
You'd better stop reading now then; it only gets worse. And worse. I barely finished the end without vomiting.
If you don't like the first 25 pages, Alex, you can probably stop now. It doesn't actually get any better...but I guess there's something to be said for finishing a book that everybody else in the world has already finished, if for no other reason than that's instructive to know what people like. So I won't comment on the plot, mind-numbing as it is.
A note on the writing: don't worry, the qualifiers keep coming, and Dan Brown indulges REPEATEDLY in what is quite possibly my least favorite bad writing technique: stating that people are very emotional instead of letting that be apparent. In other words, people are constantly being "flooded with emotion" or letting "waves of sadness and exhaustion wash over them." And forget about getting know your characters.
Fneh!
Dude. Just go see National Treasure.
Ten bucks, Two hours, Done.
(Seriously, it was actually a TOTALLY FINE action movie, and I don't understand why everyone hates it so much.)
right, so perhaps a public blog isn't the proper place to discuss this, but:
- if anything, i read even faster than alex
- i really enjoyed "the da vinci code" for the fun mystery aspects of it, and managed to ignore the horrible style
- dan brown's first novel "angels & demons" is much, MUCH worse - the plot is essentially the same, but the characters are even looser stereotypes, and the dialogue barely qualifies as dialogue. however, there are cool palindromic graphics.
- now i understand why i really want to see "national treasure" and alex really doesn't
- we should probably break up
you know, for someone who enjoys trash tv and trash music as much as you do (oh, snap!), you'd think trash literature wouldn't be so hard to stomach.
~marni
While we're snarking, another think that drove me crazy (besides the esteemed curator dying in a shadowy room in the reknowned museum in beautiful Paris) was that Mr. Brown loves to s p e l l ... t h i n g s ... o u t, like:
"What!?" Sophie was confused by what Robert had just said.
Dude, we knew she was confused. That's why she said "What?!"
Also, Sophie's lines could all have been delivered by Kelly Kapowski from Saved by the Bell. Even though Sophie's supposedly almost 30 and a wicked smart hot French babe, her top three lines are "What?" "Really?" and "No!"
I had really hoped that The DaVinci Code movie would be awesome -- no annoying writing, more car chases -- but I just don't think Tom Hanks is the right guy for Langdon.
Uh yeah, and it's also being directed by Ron Howard who completely loused up that other beloved work of fiction, "How the Grinch Stole Christmas." I have slightly more confidence in him than that other white bread auteur, Chris Columbus - but not much. Mark my words, it'll be a panderfest.
Sophie? Who's Sophie?
Remember, I'm only up to page 25, Kathy. Don't RUIN THE WHOLE BOOK FOR ME.
In terms of liking crap music & TV:
1) I don't like crap TV. I like quality TV, just way too much of it.
2) Crap music, I'll give you, I love Pop to death. But, I will argue that I don't like badly MADE Pop, just shiny, well-made Pop. I appreciate the production. Also, a disposable Pop song is over in three minutes, while a crappy TV show, Movie, and Book are a much longer investment of time.
3) I'm going to read The Da Vinci Code cover to cover, just so I can properly complain about it like the snarky asshole I am.
Oh! Sorry, Alex! I didn't mean to ruin all the suspense, but there is, indeed, a character named Sophie. You'll get to her one-dimensional character soon enough. If you know what I mean. And I think you do.
No more spoilers from me... :)
-- kathy
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