Botanic Euthanasia

I have a plant and it looks like this:



If you couldn't tell from the bright yellow words written across the image, it's called a "spider plant." I'm not a biologist, but this is probably because of all the long spidery stalks coming out from the center.

Which brings me to my question. The thing is, watering this plan in any normal sort of way gets real stupid, real quick. Whenever I pour water over it from above (like in a natural, rainfall sort of way), it gets all caught in the long stalks and slides down, out, and away from the plant. Honestly, it's like it doesn't want to get watered at all.

But then, when I try and respect what I think it's trying to tell me, it gets all dry and withery and die-y looking. In short: this ain't no cactus, and it obviously needs a good deal of water to live.

So I guess what I'm asking is this: Is my plant suicidal?

I'm not saying this stupid plant has emotions. It's just that its natural anatomy seems to go contrary to the obvious path of survival. And from my dwindling high school science education, any sort of organism that's fundamentally suicidal would be some sort of evolutionary anomaly, right?

I'm not sure what I'm gonna do, but I might just let it die.

Or eat it.

I don't know.