Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Skinny Wednesday

Happy Lent!

Yes as most people forget, Mardi Gras is Mardi Gras because the next day is Lent. Lame, lame Lent. In case you're not Catholic or in case you are and don't care, Lent is the time where for forty days and forty nights, we get ready for Jesus to die. By not eating something or not doing something. And then it's Holy Week. So actually we don't get to eat for like forty-six days. They don't tell ya that.

Anyway, as a good(?) Catholic boy, I always give up something for Lent. And that something is meat. Lent is a time for sacrifice and sacrificing meat is hard for me, because I like meat. In fact, I just finished my last Big Mac for forty-six+ days (don't you judge me). But then I think "Isn't that easy? Just giving up meat every year takes no thought at all. Maybe if I give up something additional and new each year, God won't hate me as much as I do!"

Unfortunately, I've kind of run out of things to give up. So I was wondering if people had any suggestions. I want it to be hard, but not too hard as I'm already giving up meat. I mean, let's not go crazy. Just for comparison, in the past I've given up: soda, chocolate, ice cream, video games, candy bars.

I also promise that I will go to bed by midnight and not do anything at all until I read suggestions, to prevent myself from accidentally doing the thing I pick to give up before I actually give it up. Unless it's using this blog. That'd be hard.

And no, I'm not giving up Catholicism.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

hmm... no more sport-related television?

actual helpful suggestions: coffee, beer, porn (that one's tough), bread, potato chips and after that there's only hookers, sex or masturbating. never give up the hookers though. never. they're just keeping it real.

-J

Count Dracula said...

Perhaps you should give up your blood! Blahahahahaha!

Anonymous said...

Instead of giving up something, why don't you try to do something more. Like go to church, or go out of your way to be nice to people (that's what I'm trying) =)

Anonymous said...

With the exception of the addition of fish entrees at restaurants, Lent is prety much off the radar for the American Consumerist Culture. Where are the Lenten-themed commercials, Lent Chocolate Sales, Lent Blowout Days? Interesting...
Anayway, I suggest you cut back on the McSweeney's submissions, for the rest of us, ya know?

mjs said...

sort of off the topic, but amusing...
i was introduced to a guy who misheard my name as "mardi". once he was corrected, he thought it was hilarious to call me "marni gras", assuming, i guess, that i wouldn't know enough french to be mildly insulted.
imagine his surprise when i immediately started calling him "david vieux". luckily, it turned into a persnal joke not too long after, rather than a seething hatred.
and then, several years later, that man went on to embarass chris in front of thousands of people.

Anonymous said...

don't give up Catholicism, just give up Lent. it would be challenging since you're so accustomed to forgoing something you're used to going without this time of year. plus, you'd gain the added benefit of being uniquely qualified to discuss the internal angst resulting from being able to partake in a typically lent-forbidden activity AS A RESULT of giving up the practice of giving it up during Lent FOR Lent! i don't care how circular it sounds, i think it's a fantastic idea.

plus, i find the fact that the sacred acts of first indulging our vices and then surrendering a worldly pleasure in observation of the demise and supposed resurrection of a lord and savior have been essentially reduced to tits and chocolate is hysterical.

Anonymous said...

I was also thinking of "doing" rather than "refraining". The idea of going to Mass an extra day during the week is a great way to go.

Anonymous said...

yeah, i agree. keep the catholocism, lent, don't eat your meat, tutor some kids and go to church more often. i mean, seriously, jesus wouldn't ask more than that. i think he'd be quite happy. what a good catholic boy!

Geoffrey said...

But I HATE children and going to church!

Anonymous said...

you wanted something that would be difficult ... =)

Anonymous said...

And that is how it should be, Geoff. You would not be a Catholic in good standing if you didn't hate all the good that you try desperately (but wind up failing)to accomplish.

baz said...

dude! i thought i was the only practicing catholic in sketch comedy. i'm giving up cigarettes for lent. my question is: when does lent officially start? at midnight? at sundown on ash wednesday? when you get the ashes put on your face? if it's anything but the second one, i'm screwed.

anyway, i suggest you give up cigarettes, too. and if you don't smoke, give up not smoking.

Jordana B said...

Give up Lou Diamond Phillips - everybody's doing it!

Anonymous said...

how bout ya give up the crummy attitude, ya heathen. lent's ridiculous anyway. like God would ask people to suffer more than they already do without his interfering. great, now i lost my faith. thanks a lot elephant larry. i'll go stand in front of that train now. merry freakin' lent.

christopher said...

Maybe you should stop raping nuns?

Anonymous said...

Geoff rapes nuns?

Geoffrey said...

"Rapes" makes it sound like I do it all the time. I prefer "occassionally rapes".

So after much deliberation, I have decided to give up the vaguest thing I could possibly come up with: snack cakes. This includes twinkies, brownies, donuts and prepackaged items actually delineated on said packaging as "snack cakes".

That said, I have a box of cupcakes my friend Jess gave me that I haven't finished just yet. Come and git it.