Monday, June 06, 2005

Toys 'R' Me

Once upon a time, I went to Toys 'R' Us to buy a video game. I believe it was Mega Man X3 or Donkey Kong 64 or something equally cool. Anyway, I picked it up at the counter, brought it over to the cashier and paid with my hard-earned, well-saved cash.

Upon completing this transaction, I re-received said video game along with a receipt. I took a quick glance at the receipt, something I do pretty often for no discernable reason. Except this time, instead of it being a perfunctory glance, I saw something incredibly disturbing right there at the bottom. "Thank you...Geoffrey."

AHHHH!!! How did they know? How did they know who I was? This is impossible, I thought. How did they find me? Did I use a credit card? No I don't own a credit card! Does the cashier know who I am and slip my name onto the receipt? How could she know me? She's so old! Did they take my fingerprints off the cash? How? More importantly, WHY?! Why would they do this to me? Why would they freak me out like this?

Dazed, I stepped outside the Toys 'R' Us facility, looking around like a hunted man. I glanced at the parking lot...at the mall...at the Staten Island dump in the distance. Finally I whirled around and looked at Toys 'R' Us again. And it all became clear.

There, with his arm outstretched in inviting joy, stood Geoffrey Giraffe. They were not thanking me specifically...Mr. Giraffe was merely signing off on his gratitude.

My name is weird.

2 comments:

mjs said...

there is a shoe store in midtown near my office called "marmi". the shopping bags all have the name of the store in this elegant script with no capital letters, and if you glance by it really fast (at approximate midtown pedestrian speed) what does it appear to say? my name. spelled correctly. holy crap.
turns out to be close, but not actually it. the first time i saw one of these bags, i nearly passed out, threw up, and did a dance of joy all at the same time.

~marni

Chris S. said...

There's an Al Pacino movie called "Serpico" that came out five years before I was born. Every time I see that poster, I think, "Wow, I almost would have been delightfully confused if I had been born about 10 years earlier." Instead, I've had to live vicariously through other Bloggers' feelings of paranoia, nausea, lightheadedness and choreographed joy.