Groundbreaking Discovery

Yeah, I’m twenty-five years old and I probably should’ve figured this out before, but…

VEGETABLES AND FRUIT ARE AMAZING.

For the past five billion years, I’ve been making simple cold cut sandwiches for lunch. Be it ham and cheese, turkey and provolone, whatever. It’s helped to save a little money, which is nice, but eating these sandwiches pretty much every day for so long has been SLOWLY SUCKING MY LIFE-SOUL ENERGIES DRY.

But hi-fives all around, people: time is passing and things are changing.

I learned recently, on a whim, that if you take a crappy sandwich and add a simple slice of lettuce, then BAM! You get a sandwich that’s not only tolerable, but good again!

It’s so strange. Lettuce doesn’t even taste like anything. Who knew a single slice could hold such delicious potential? Lunchtime need no longer be a daily confrontation with nausea and suicide.

And happily, the idea’s been extending nicely.

Mac and Smack? Totally fine, often wonderful. But throw a little broccoli in there and BAMMERSLAMMER, it’s delicious.

Cheerios? Yes, great, obviously. But a handful of blueberries LAUNCH ME TO MY OWN PERSONAL OXYGENATED MOON.

So, yes: Fruit and Vegetables are great, and to quote my roommate: we’re so lucky Thomas Jefferson invented them.

If there are any other basic, invigorating how-to-live tricks I’ve been missing, I’m happy to hear them. So long as they don’t involve dusting or numbers.