Excluding Pizza & Hot Dogs

I constantly find myself playing this game that’s actually not really a game at all, but more of a dumb thing I do but still call a game because it suggests a sense of fun, which it is not.

The game doesn’t really have a name, but if you had to call it something, I guess you could call it the “Let’s See If I Can Spend Less Than Five Dollars On Lunch Every Day” game.

Financially, though it doesn’t hurt to save a little cash here and there, I don’t really have to play this game. I think the main reason I do it is to punish myself for being too lazy to get off my ass and buy groceries. Stupidity, like Love, conquers all too, maybe.

Turns out, I’ve actually gotten pretty good at it. I’m not a huge guy and I don’t really need nor like to eat huge meals during the day. But sometimes, the small meals build up and I suddenly feel like I’ve been hungry for months and, like yesterday, I freak out a little bit.

Yesterday, I knew I wanted a nice salad. Thing is, whenever I try and get a nice salad while playing my under five dollar game, I end up with a handful of leaves and croutons that evaporate the moment they encounter a hint of gastro-acid-action. But yesterday’s salad jonesin' was high and I’d had enough. Walking into the lame, overpriced natural eatery across the street I decided: Fuck this. I’m gonna get a huge salad – not a small salad – a HUGE one, with everything I want on it – chicken, carrots, croutons, tomatoes, and a goddamn egg…

…and then I paid $10.

For a stupid salad.

Yes, I know: molehills and mountains and so on and so forth, but still: walking out onto the street, huge salad in hand, and memories of stronger five-dollar days in mind, I can honestly say that I really hated myself. It was like Shame had impregnated Failure who gave birth to me.

And on top of that, that huge bastard of a salad was delicious. Almost perfect. Which somehow, made me feel like an even bigger loser.