Thursday, October 20, 2005

I Don't Imagine This Blogpost Will Endear Me To Too Many People

A new ad campaign has sprung up in this fair city of ours. I tried to find an example on the intronet, but there were none to be had, so let me try to describe it for you.

Against a yellow background, three objects are shown vertically. In one, it's a roll of duct tape, a gasoline canister and a cat. In another it's a sack, a brick and a puppy. Then there is a bunch of print indicating how bad animal cruelty is and if you witness it you should report it.

Now I'm no animal lover, but I don't want to see them get hurt either. As a result, I am concerned that the presentation of the objects is not dealt with in an appropriately serious way. When three objects are presented in this way, where you are clearly supposed to link them together, I immediately think "How can I combine those three items in the most effective way?" And as a result, I specifically in this case think "How can I attain the highest possible amount of animal cruelty?"

Now the sack/brick/puppy combo is a bit too easy, to be honest, so I center most of my thought around the duct tape/gasoline/cat, and I think I've found the right combination. As a means of punishment for thinking these horrible things, I will replace the cat with myself.

-use the duct tape to firmly tape Geoff to the ground.
-stick all excess tape in Geoff's hair, and all over his hairy body.
-slowly douse Geoff in gasoline so he has to breathe in the fumes. Because he is taped to the ground, he can't even move to minimize the amount of fumes he breathes in. (Can't light Geoff on fire, no matches included in the poster). Soak completely.
-let cat scratch Geoff's eyes out.

Although I replaced the cat with myself, I felt really guilty so I let the cat come back and be cruel to me.


flör said...

I had the SAME, EXACT reaction when I first saw those ads on the subway. Your mind does a quick calculation as to how they interact with each other and the animal..and your lunch comes flying up. I don't 'love' animals either, but giving a psycho new ways to torture creatures isn't exactly the smartest ad campaign..

I assume these are what you were talking about?