Intro
Everyone that meets my dad loves him. I cannot think of someone who has ever had a merely mediocre reaction to my dad.
He is way cool, cooler than even your dad. My dad has a cool accent, and he plays the trumpet, and he is a chick magnet. Every member of Elephant Larry can attest to this.
I'm occasionally jealous of my dad because he can pull off anything. He can wear leather pants and be totally cool. When I get hand-me-downs from my dad, they're always really cool hand-me-downs that I can't pull off.
That's just one example. There are literally hundreds of examples of my dad being cooler than me and probably everyone else in town.
So from now on, whenever my dad does something cool, I will tell you. Because I have to.
Vol. 1
My dad has a cool scar on his left ring finger. Wanna know how he got it. He CHOPPED HIS FINGER OFF IN A LAWN MOWER AND HAD TO GET IT SEWED BACK ON.
Wanna know how he chopped it off? This is awesome.
This happened like 15 years ago. My brother and I were playing Nintendo in the den, my Mom was doing some spring cleaning, and my dad was outside mowing the lawn. At some point, we heard him screaming. He told my Mom that the mower made a weird noise, so he shut it off and turned it on its side so he could examine it. And then he said that a blade was still rotating when he picked it up, which cut his finger off.
NOT TRUE. THE TRUTH IS COOLER.
I found the cool truth 3 years ago. Turns out my dad finished mowing the lawn in like 15 minutes (he's really fast with a mower) and then he wanted to start trimming the hedges. But my dad didn't want to have to go back to the garage to get the hedge trimmer, so he PICKED UP THE MOWER WITH HIS BARE HANDS so he could cut the hedges with a huge lawn mower. How fricking awesome. THAT'S how he chopped his finger off, and THAT'S why he's so damn cool.
I realize this is not a recent story, but I've been backlogging these stories for a while, so there will be a little old mixed in with the new.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Entirely true things about my Dad
Introduction & Volume 1
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1 comments:
Dear readers, I can attest to the fact that these things are, in fact, entirely true. The chick magnet thing, absolutely. The leather pants, unquestionably.
I am waiting with bated breath for the next installment of this essential series!
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