Tuesday, October 03, 2006

There's No Such Thing As Gas

I believe there is no such thing as gasoline. This is a theory I've held for some time and I've compiled a lot of evidence on the matter:

-When you go to the gas station, there is no evidence that anything is happening. You merely put the nozzle into the gas tank, wait a while and take it out. Then you pay a lot of money for it.

-The gallon and price meters are clearly there to give the illusion of progress. They mean nothing, except how much you have to pay. Same thing with the sound of liquid rushing.

-The drip of "gas" at the end of the nozzle when you're done is clearly a meek effort to make you believe that gas exists. I'm not fooled.

-Cars have batteries. What else runs on batteries AND fuel? If you said nothing, you're right.

I think I've made my point.


Clinton said...

Sorry to refute you, but I've been drinking at least a quart of gasoline a night for years now. It's the only thing that gets me drunk anymore.

God, I need help... someone...

Anonymous said...

OPEN the gasoline.

Ted said...

And what about the gas I use to burn my Bagz-O-Kittens(tm)? I understand your point, but KittenBagz!(tm) don't burn themselves. Am I right?!

Anonymous said...

Proof that you're mistaken or at least, that there IS fluid constantly emitting from the pump. Whether or not it's actually bona fide "gasoline" I leave to the chemists:

Years ago on a road trip, I accidentally removed the pump nozzle (what a GREAT noun!) from my car without releasing the "auto-fill-till-it's-full" tab, spraying a huge amount of "gasoline" over myself and the car. No idea why I pointed the damn thing toward my body by default, but happily the event (in addition to validating gas's existence) made the list of times I've found myself naked in a gas station bathroom.

Anonymous said...

Interesting discussion. So far I'm not convinced either way, but I will say the powers that be will plant all sorts of "proofs" of gas's existence throughtout our experiences in order to insure the survival of our capitalistic indulgence.