Thursday, February 08, 2007


Q: What's the worst thing ever?
A: Getting up in the morning.

Q: And what's the worst thing about getting up in the morning?
A: Being woken up by a horrible alarm clock.

Q: Right! Why?
A: Because it's startling, unsettling, and inadvertantly open a small window to a deep chasm of hate inside of me.

Q: Really?
A: Yes. And because of the dream-like state into which the alarm's intruding, all that hatred and anger's allowed to flow out freely, unhindered by the filters society so commonly demands we impose upon them.

Q: I see. And how do you get rid of all that negative frustration in the morning?
A: By hitting the snooze button as hard as I can, of course.

Q: Bingo! And my idea is based on just that: there's all that negative energy being "snoozed" out every day, right?
A: Sure.

Q: And that's a healthy thing, right?
A: Sure. It's good to get that stuff outta your system.

Q: Well, what if we could make the whole process even more positive?
A: What do you mean?

Q: I'm talking about taking Hate-Worthy ideas.
A: Like Nazis and Klansmen.

Q: And Cathy, exactly! And making specific alarm clocks themed around them.
A: Ah, so like, a Hitler alarm clock.

Q: And Allergy alarm clocks, and Cancer alarm clocks, and Abortion/Anti-Abortion alarm clocks.
A: That you thwap the shit out of when you wake up in the morning!

Q: Exactly.
A: Not only are you healthily releasing your hatred, you're also focusing it towards a worthy target.

Q: And a minus plus a minus?
A: Makes a minus!

Q: Oh, I meant times.
A: Makes a positive!

Q: Right! Hate-Worthy-Themed Alarm Clocks.
A: Good idea.

Q: Thanks.
A: If you hate alarm clocks so much, why don't you make an alarm clock alarm clock?



Jerf said...

Ack. This weird dude is holding a related.

sarah said...

The alarm clocks from here:
are pretty amazing. They are expensive, but I honestly believe the ten-minute chime progression is the best way to wake up in the morning. It's like your eyes just open and you've been awake all day. It's freaky, but not freak-you-out freaky.

a huge goon

christopher said...

Those are pretty cool. I think part of me kinda enjoys waking up violently, though.

This, on the other hand, would be sublime.