Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Spoiler Alert

After Saturday's shenanigans, Stefan and I hunkered down and watched the end of what was, perhaps, the greatest movie of all time. Thanks to my imdb.com detective-style research I have determined this movie was "Striking Distance," starring Bruce Willis. As the blogpost-title warns, I will run down the hilights. I implore you to remember, these hilights were completely without context, as we did not see the beginning of the movie.

-Sarah Jessica Parker does NOT testify against Bruce Willis, which apparently was the right thing to do. She's clearly in love with him.

-Sarah Jessica Parker goes back home to hear a voice message from Bruce Willis, thanking her. She is then tazered.

-Bruce Willis's cat runs bloody footprints over a map. He finds his wife(?) dead in the water outside. Bruce Willis shouts "IT ENDS HERE"

-Bruce Willis goes to Tom Sizemore's house. He gets tazered but not by Tom Sizemore.

-Bruce Willis wakes up tied up in a room along with Tom Sizemore and Sarah Jessica Parker. Who did this...some actor who looks a lot like Tom Sizemore! It turns out their characters are brothers. And the bad brother was Bruce Willis's partner or something? This wasn't so shocking to us.

-Dennis Farina comes in and shoots the bad guy brother, who is his son. It turns out Dennis Farina accidentally killed John Mahoney, Bruce Willis's father. Bad guy brother was wearing a bulletproof vest, shoots his own father.

-Bruce Willis escapes, chases bad guy brother and kills him literally 10 times. The last straw is tazering him in the mouth.

-Bruce Willis visits John Mahoney's grave with Sarah Jessica Parker. He says "grandkids." This was clearly supposed to mean something.

Man do I like bulletpoints. Anyway, I highly recommend watching the last 20 minutes of this movie. Maybe you can get it and the first half of "The Game" on NetFlix.


K said...

If you didn't see the beginning of the movie, you probably missed the following:

-the killer calls up Bruce Willis a bunch of times while he's killing girls, but doesn't say anything, instead playing "Lil' Red Riding Hood" by Sam the Sham into the telephone every time (which is actually kinda weird and scary),

-Sarah Jessica Parker is not actually Bruce's "new partner," but an Internal Affairs cop sent to watch him because he's a "loose cannon," AND

-they're BOAT COPS.

It's no Color of Night, but it's pretty good.

Stefan said...

Ah, boat cops. That explains the totally intense boat chase thing at the end of the movie. It did occur to me that Bruce Willis was very good at riding around in a boat.