Gossip!

Which member of Elephant Larry has been hack-erty-ing up women all over the city? We won't tell, but the boys in blue are on his tail... Better get out of the city in a geoff-y!

This skinny sketch comedian has run afoul of the law-rence many times, but this last offense was too much for Mayor Bloomberg, and now there's a bounty on his head! Our lips are sealed as to the comic's identity, but we think you can stefan-atly figure it out!

Who left fingerprints-ape all over his chris-py victims, after setting them on toph-ire? Your faithful gossip reporter knows, but won't get involved: we don't like to m-edel, son ;)

Jeff Solomon has a man trapped in his piano, and likes to play it, hitting the captive's face over and over with the piano's hammers! We'll never tell!