Monday, October 29, 2007

I Am Trashcan: Flying Saucers

So here's a funny nickname I have: Trash Can. I got this nickname because I like to make my friends laugh and have a good time, so I buy the weirdest food I can find at truck stops, and eat it. And in return for the all the fun I give them, they call me Trash Can. Unbelievable.

Anyway, for my birthday, the boys in Elephant Larry got me a trash can filled with ridiculous candy, and I thought it would be nice to share my disgusting odyssey with all of you. So each day, I'll eat and review a new piece of candy.

Flying Saucers/Satellite Wafers: These are, by far, the most disgusting candy I've ever tasted*. Every year at the last Elephant Larry meeting before the holidays, we like to get each other really terrible gifts, and one year, I purchased candy that "best represented" the members of EL. I think I got these for Chris, because he "likes going into space so much."

Flying Saucers are one of those original penny candies that people think they like (at least as evidenced by the fake marketing text on this site), but really is entirely inedible.

The outside is wafer, but unflavored, so it essentially tastes like very thin styrofoam. The inside is filled with little "candy balls." These are essentially hard sprinkles, but again, unflavored, so they taste like tiny rocks.

The last element that goes into their preparation is that nobody ever buys Flying Saucers, so they sit on the shelves for years and years.

That's essentially what these are: old pieces of styrofoam, filled with pebbles. Delightful!

The guys were nice enough to get me an assortment of three flavors: Peach, Pink, and White. Actually, i think one of them might be Light Blue flavored, but it's hard to tell.

Here's a picture of one of the Peach broken open, so you can see what I mean about those tiny candy balls:

Let's Go Mets, am I right?

Because I'm a horrible person, I'm going to eat all of these, and tell you how they taste:
Peach: It's probably my imagination, but this one may actually taste vaguely like peach. Once you get past the gag reflex with the outside, which is just your body telling you "Hey, this isn't actually edibile," the candy inside is fine. But hard. I'll try the second peach last, and see if I can still taste any sort of flavor.

Pink: Okay, it's maybe not quite as bad if you bite down immediately, so you get through the outside as quickly as possible. I wouldn't say this one tastes like a delightful Pink grapefruit at all.

White: Oh god, it stuck to the roof of my mouth. GET IT OFF!!!

Light Blue: Yeah, this one is definitely light blue colored. This is starting to make me feel sad.

Peach Again: No, it was my imagination. This doesn't have any flavor at all. These are awful
In summation, I give this 1/2 a trashcan out of five, because they only made me sick to my stomach, and didn't, in fact, kill me.

*Not true: In Charleston, I got a box of Bernie Bott's Every Flavored Beans, and the snot flavor almost made me vomit. And not like "Oh, gross!" vomit, but actually "I'm dry heaving and trying not to" vomit.


Jeff said...

I love that the first thing that's highlighted on the Old Time Candy site's entry for this candy is "Don't Need A Whole Box?"

Nooooo. You don't.

N K said...

Everyone wish Ben Furnas a happy birthday, it's his birthday tomorrow!

Ben Furnas sure is a great guy.

sarah said...

The outside of those things taste exactly like communion wafer. Now you know!