Tuesday, October 09, 2007

A Job I Just Applied For

This is a long post, so hang in there, kitty.

I was trolling in the gigs section of Craigslist, and found this job listing:

We are looking for writers to rewrite product descriptions for an adult site. There are 2000 descriptions, which are approximately 150-200 words each. We are looking to pay $1-$1.50 per description.

If you are interested, please email us and we will send you one description. To be considered for this position, you will be asked to rewrite it. This will help us evaluate your writing, as well as determine if you can complete them fast enough to make this gig worthwhile for you. Please DO Not forward resume as the only evaluation necessary will be through the product description rewrite. Every writer will receive the same description to rewrite.
So what could I do? I applied, and received this e-mail back:

Thank you for responding. Enclosed, is the product and description for re-write. It is essential to make the description your own. We are looking for more than a simply partial re-write version. It will be important to include the product name 2X per description. It will also be important to include the category/sub-category each product is located in. As an example, this product would be in vibrators, clitoral vibrator. Considering the item has anal stimulation, this would be specific detail information to include as well. Please feel free to expand on the description as per the product image as you see fit.

Cunning Cactus Vibrator

Don't let the name discourage you, this fantastic multi-speed and multi-function vibrator won't prick you, but it will provide a generous amount of triple-action pleasure whether you're in the desert or not. Made with 100% silicone, this non-porous and hypoallergenic piece is contoured for intense stimulation and comfort, providing safe and healthy play with every intimate session. The piece starts off with a rounded tip head that is crowned with raised prong ticklers for a delicious tickling feeling on the outside and inside. From there, the head tapers gently inward to a thinner neck and back out to a bulbous body that is covered in a raised swirl. This raised swirl provides even more stimulation as you penetrate, with two large bumps on the top side of the shaft for an added delight. The clitoral stimulator and anal stimulator both feature the same raised prong tops and swirled textural design work. A large ridged handle controls the piece while offering a solid grip and mobility as you play. With six various functions to choose from plus an auto button to let the piece cycle through the functions, you're sure to ample use out of this cactus.
And here's what I sent back:
Why, what’s that sneaking up on you? Is it a cactus? Nope, pardner, it’s just the Cunning Cactus Vibrator, the fastest clitoral stimulator in the West! Made of 100% silicone, this non-porous and hypoallergenic prickly pear will surely make your night blooming flower tingly all over. And lest we forget, if your anus is feeling less populated than a desert, the Cunning Cactus Vibrator’s anal stimulator features enough raised prongs and swirling texture design work to make you scream “Yeeee-haw!” Who need’s a six-gun shooter, when you have six various functions to choose from, plus an auto button? This cactus won’t be retaining water, because you’ll be squirting it everywhere after just one use! Who needs a real prick, when you can get pricked by the Cunning Cactus Vibrator! Surprise!
I'll let you know if I get the job.


dusty said...

honestly, i don't know how you're not a shoe-in. that was brilliant.

Ted said...

A shoe-in your butt-hole!


Right guys?!


christopher said...

If you get the job, can you please make this a regular feature?

mjs said...

i enjoy how the email says they're sending you the product as well as the description. i don't think we have enough room to store all of this stuff.

Stefan said...

My thought is that they totally send a different product description to every applicant and get all the work done for free. Else, why do you think they go to pains to reassure you that all applicants get the same description to write. I smell scam!

Also $1-$1.50 per description? They do not respect the hard work it takes to write amazing sex toy descriptions.

Jordi said...

(And now hands FREE!)

Thanks, Cunning Cactus Vibrator!

Charlene said...

it's for real...I just applied for the same job and got the same listing. I was just googling to see if I could find a picture! Would be helpful in describing it! But now there's no beating your description. No pun intended.