Tuesday, November 06, 2007

I Am Trashcan: Aero (Mint)

So here's a funny nickname I have: Trash Can. I got this nickname because I like to make my friends laugh and have a good time, so I buy the weirdest food I can find at truck stops, and eat it. And in return for the all the fun I give them, they call me Trash Can. Unbelievable.

Anyway, for my birthday, the boys in Elephant Larry got me a trash can filled with ridiculous candy, and I thought it would be nice to share my disgusting odyssey with all of you. So each day, I'll eat and review a new piece of candy.

Aero (Mint): Aero is a British candy bar made, of course, by Nestle*. I've had Aeros before, and here's what they are: solid chocolate bars, with holes in them. This is, for some reason, supposed to create a delightful experience on par with drinking soda, but let me ask you this: How do the holes in Swiss Cheese taste? Pretty good, right?

No, of course not. They taste like nothing; they only enhance texture, not taste. The same, but less can be said for the Aero. Aero is like a Crunch Bar with all of the crunchy stuff removed. These candy bars make me actively angry.

So it is with that in mind that I approach this Aero, which, despite no indication anywhere on the packaging**, is mint flavored.

Here is a picture of the Aero in its natural habitat:

Some notes about the packaging:

- I kind of love the vaguely menacing tagline, "Have You Felt the Bubbles Melt?" which was originally the much cuter, but less regionally translateable "All Bubbles, No Squeak!"

- I also love that the UK substitutes the negative "Calories" for the positive sounding "Energy." Eating this whole bar will give me 1064 KJs of Energy! Oh yeah!

- I hate that Aeros seem to think selling something as a bubbling, frothing mess is also positive.

Enough packaging; let's get to the eating!

- I'll give 'em this: They smell great.

- Oh cool, now I'm grossed out. It's like opening up the inside of a Leprechaun.

- It's better than eating a Leprechaun though, I'll also give 'em that.

- Despite my emotional reaction to an Aero, English candy bars are still totally delicious. The chocolate is, in general, richer, creamier, and all around better than American candy bars. Despite what you might think from this series of columns I'm currently writing, I don't particular care for candy. I like trying it, but I prefer savory to sweet. Suffice to say, I would be much, much fatter if I lived in England.

- The honeycomb texture is only apparent if you force it. Once you bite into the bar, it melts, leaving only the milky chocolate and mint taste. The mint itself is not overly aggressive. It's nowhere near as strong as, say, a Junior Mint, and works to complement the chocolate, not the other way around.

- On second bite, the honeycomb texture is actually kind of annoying. It kind of feels like biting a stale candy bar, when in fact, this is a fresh candy bar. I'd rather not feel like I'm eating something bad if I don't have to. The mint, by the way, stays in the background. This is a chocolate bar with some mint.

- There's still nothing good that can come of eating a ton of candy in one sitting. I refer you to this video, which wasn't even remotely faked. Can someone explain why eating too much sugar causes almost instant depression?

- Man, I wish I was eating dark chocolate. Milk chocolate is a piece of crap.

- It's almost like they decided they couldn't afford wafers.

All my complaining aside, this was, by far, the best thing I've eaten out of that trash can. It might be the comparison to the previous items, and the fact that I don't want to vomit right now, but I'm giving this four and a half out of five.

*I guess it also could have been made by Cadbury. There's really only two British candy companies.

**There's a tiny note on top of the ingredients that says "Smooth milk chocolate filled with minty bubbles." I am an untrustworthy narrator.


Murchie said...

There was something in the most recent New Yorker about "dutching" chocolate - I don't entirely remember, but something like getting the extremely hydrophobic oil out of the cocoa so it could be mixed with alkaline chemicals that render the taste a little milder?

Milton Hershey basically got this process half-right, so his resulting product and resulting American chocolate tradition is a little further along the "rotting" scale than European fully "dutched" chocolate and still makes Europeans gag.

N K said...

Nestle's Swiss.

This is a Fact-Checking Troupe Blog, right?

Alex said...

Oh, I know... I just meant that in England, a candy bar is either from Nestle or Cadbury.

In America, we have a ton of candy companies, like Hersheys, Nestle, and ummm... A lot more. Mars! Some other ones. I'll get back to you.

Jordi said...

Fun (Maybe Just for Me) Fact!: Five years before he retired, my Dad did package design for Nestle. He did all the Wonka designs in Australia too.

Not that this info will make the Aero taste better...I'm just proud of him is all.

N K said...

I think Mars is English.

Or maybe Martian?