Monday, November 12, 2007

I Am Trashcan: U-No

So here's a funny nickname I have: Trash Can. I got this nickname because I like to make my friends laugh and have a good time, so I buy the weirdest food I can find at truck stops, and eat it. And in return for the all the fun I give them, they call me Trash Can. Unbelievable.

Anyway, for my birthday, the boys in Elephant Larry got me a trash can filled with ridiculous candy, and I thought it would be nice to share my disgusting odyssey with all of you. So each day, I'll eat and review a new piece of candy.

U-No: I've never heard of this before. I've never seen it before. I have no idea what it is. You know why? The outside just has a shiny silver wrapper, and says "Rich Creamy Chocolate."

That's it.

No description of the delightful nuts and caramel that may hide inside, no goofy cartoon character, no adornment or explanation of any kind.

I'm actually going to avoid looking at the ingredients, just so when it turns out that it's filled with phlegm and puke, I'm totally surprised.

Or, you know, little bits of peppermint candy. That might be nicer.

Opening the package offers absolutely no help as to what this bar is. Clearly, there's chocolate. Doesn't look particularly rich or creamy, but definitely chocolate.

Given the shape, maybe it's filled with wafers? That might be nice.

It also smells like chocolate, but that's not suprising.

Feels like chocolate, too.

Sounds like chocolate.

Now, to use the last of my amazingly keen five senses, taste:

- Okay, it's literally just a chocolate bar. I don't know why I thought it would be more complicated.

- The outside is only slightly thicker than the inside, which is smooth, silky, maybe dark chocolate. It's kind of like a Three Musketeers, but denser, and more clearly chocolate than nougat.

- There's also something crunchy in there, which immediately makes me think it's bug eggs. I hope it's not bug eggs, because this is actually pretty good.

- Yeah, this is totally delicious. I don't think they're salt crystals, though I am getting a very slight savory taste on the front/middle of my tongue.

Okay, time to find out what this is.

According to the ingedients, there are some roasted almonds in there, which would explain the savory taste, I think. But it's so barely crunchy as to be unnoticable, unless you were writing some sort of column on a blog about disgusting candy reviews. They must have pulverized those f-ing almonds until they were dead.

Heading over to, it turns out that they also make Abba-Zaba and Rocky Road, which we'll be talking about on future installments of "I Am Trashcan," as well as Big Hunk, and a candy bar called LOOK!

According to the website, U-No is
A smooth, rich, chocolate truffle-like center with crushed almonds, covered with creamy rich milk chocolate.

Guaranteed to melt in you mouth. This item is a West Coast tradition that goes back to the 1920’s. U-NO tastes fantastic when cold and if frozen eats like an ice cream bar. Annabelle acquired U-NO from the Cardinet Candy Company in 1970.
Ah, nuts. Too late to freeze it, I ate the whole thing! I am a huge piggy.

Anyway, this was a delicious bar, that didn't make me feel sick or want to stop eating it. Kudos to Annabelle, and her delicious candy bar! Four and a half out of five trashcans!


Jeff said...

Goddammit. I put the U-No in the can thinking it had a good chance of being gross, what w/the vague-sounding (but I guess, not vague in reality) description.

"Glad you liked it." Hmmmph.

Holy cow, I'm getting an Abba Zaba shirt as soon as I have twenty extra dollars.

K said...

Big Hunk is awesome but don't attempt it if you have any loose teeth. It's like Charleston Chew's balls-out cousin but without the pansy chocolate. Delicious!

The Old Coot said...

Ah, children! I am 67 yrs old and grew up in So. Calif. A U-No Bar was a very special treat back when I was alive! I haven't seen one in years, but would give (nearly) anything to let one melt in my mouth again!