Tuesday, March 04, 2008

I Am Trashcan: Breakfast Tacos

So here's a funny nickname I have: Trash Can. I got this nickname because I like to make my friends laugh and have a good time, so I buy the weirdest food I can find at truck stops, and eat it. And in return for the all the fun I give them, they call me Trash Can. Unbelievable.

Anyway, for my birthday, the boys in Elephant Larry got me a trash can filled with ridiculous candy, and I thought it would be nice to share my disgusting odyssey with all of you. So each day, I'll eat and review a new piece of candy.



Okay gang, it's been a good long while since I posted one of these, but I'm getting to get all Sister Act 2 on this feature's ass, starting right now.

Before there was a trashcan, there was only a trashcan of the mind. That trashcan existed not just in my mind, but the minds and hearts of children everywhere. Children like the other guys in Elephant Larry, and Ele-friend Mary.

Back in September, we made a week-long trip to Los Angeles. While waiting for Chris and Jeff to pick up our rental cars, myself, Geoff, and Mary had the following discussion, though I don't remember who said what, so I'm going to make up names:

Goof: I'm really hungry.

Lex: Yeah, me too... Hey, we should get tacos.

Maury: Ohmigod, yes, let's get tacos.

Lex: How many tacos are you going to get?

Goof: I don't know, how many tacos do you eat for a full meal?

Maury: Two? Three?

Lex: How about we don't eat anything except tacos for the rest of the trip?

This turned into two discussions, one after the other:

Discussion #1: How Many Tacos Do We Need to Eat
- We were going to be in LA for seven days.
- There were six of us.
- We would be eating three meals a day, each.
- We assumed that each meal consisted of three tacos.
Conclusion: We will need to eat 378 tacos.

Discussion #2: What Kind of Tacos Should We Have For Breakfast?

This discussion was a little less mathematical, natch. We determined that we should have Breakfast Tacos for breakfast, which made a lot of sense. Then, we tried to figure out what Breakfast Tacos were, and what was in them.

Part of it was determined in the car rental facility.

Part of it was determined by myself and Mary during our stay in LA.

The Breakfast Tacos did not happen until December 30th, 2007; three months after our trip.

Here is the result:

How To Make Breakfast Tacos
- 2 Soft Taco Shells
- Cinnamon Toast Crunch
- Magic Shell
- Butter
- Heavy Cream
- Green Food Coloring
- You'll also need a frying pan and a whisk

Before you get started, pour Cinnamon Toast Crunch into a bowl, and smash it until it's basically crumbs, with some small chunks remaining.

At this point, you'll also want to add the green food coloring to the heavy cream, and start whipping it with the whisk.

Take the pan, heat it, and cover it with butter. Dump in the ground CTC, and add one taco shell. The taco shell should heat up pretty quickly, probably about 15-30 seconds. Flip the shell. As soon as it's coated and golden on both sides, remove from the pan.

Lay the second taco shell on a plate, and cover it with Magic Shell. DO NOT LET IT HARDEN. Take the heated, coated taco shell, and place it firmly on top of the taco covered in magic shell.

Fill the interior taco with more CTC. Hopefully, by this point, you should have your green whipped cream ready (it's guacamole, get it?) Put it in the shell, fold, and eat!

For some reason, everybody but myself and Mary thought this would be gross. They were wrong. Five out of five trashcans.

6 comments:

mary said...

clearly the secret to happiness is breakfast tacos. i mean, look how happy i am! alex, thank you for making my breakfast dreams come true. but lenny kravitz still sux...

Jacob said...

i think you have "breakfast" tacos confused with "dessert" tacos. (which is already covered: see "Choco Taco")

real breakfast tacos have scrambled eggs and beans and sausage and salsa and are pretty awesome. you guys need to swing through texas sometime.

mary said...

jacob made me sad...

Alex said...

Okay, I don't think I explained properly:

The green whipped cream is like guacamole.

The Cinnamon Toast Crunch is a breakfast cereal. Or, if you prefer, it's like ground beef.

The magic shell is like the cheese melted in a double-stuffed taco.

The taco shells are similar to taco shells.

So it's all breakfast items (you know, cream, cereal, chocolate), but in a taco shell.

Cough.

Anonymous said...

I'm finding it really hard to believe that no one in Elephant Larry had ever heard of a breakfast taco and had to create their own version. Breakfast tacos (flour tortilla containg eggs, meat, salsa and cheese) have been a staple in heavy latino areas for years and years. That said...yours does look delicious and Mary has every reason to be happy.

Alex said...

Hey, nobody ever said we hadn't heard of breakfast tacos before...