Jeff Heart Total

In the interest of keeping this little mini-pattern going, here's another post about late-night food. Seeing as I don't live near any late-night fooderies of any kind, I have to plan way in advance for all my midnight snackin'. This has led to extended flights of snacking self-discovery, by which I have come upon the greatest of all snacks.

A quick preface: no one in the world (or at least this continent) is likely to agree with me on this, but I'm indsiputably right. My snack is better than your snack. You just haven't tried it yet. Don't knock it 'til you've rocked it.

The greatest late-night snack is not Pita Pit pitas. It is not Atomic Wings. It is Greek yogurt with honey and crushed nuts.

...Okay, that sounds a little embarrassing. It definitely doesn't have a cool name, that's for sure. I guess I'll just have to live with that, considering it's the best snack ever created.

A quick lesson in Greek yogurt for the uninitiated: it's the stuff in the tiny white tubs that they sell in all the 24-hour stores for nearly 2 dollars per tiny pop (I get it for slightly less in bulk). The mother of all USA-available Greek yogurt is Total, which is also called Fage, but their crazy Greek logo looks like "OAre". It is goshdarn mindblowingly good. You know how sometimes yogurt can be too watery or too acidic and sour? Well, fuck you. Total yogurt is almost as thick as cream cheese and it's never too sour, just hinting at tartness. It also comes in 5,000 different flavor/fat options. They sell it with honey and fruit on the side (hear that, Dannon? On the SIDE, so you can mix as much or as little as you want), and it comes in 0% fat, 2%, "FAGE family" which is something like 5%, and full fat. The full fat yogurt is made with cream and is almost like eating whipped cream except it's yogurt. If you use it in cooking, everyone will love you. I never even liked yogurt that much before I tried Total, so trust me; you don't need to be some kind of acidopholus freak to enjoy this.

I eat Total 0% as much as I can possibly afford to do so. It's one of the healthiest, purest, best tasting things out there. Also, I'm ridiculously lactose intolerant and I can still eat it. It's amazing.

Wanna party yogurt-style? Here's how I roll:

Take like a dozen almonds (I use roasted unsalted, and sometimes I roast my own, more on that some other day). Wrap them in paper towel and crush finely. I do this by pressing down on the paper towel very hard with a meat tenderizer or kitchen mallet. I don't wail on the almonds with the mallet 'cause they'd go over all over the floor and not in my really good yogurt.

I unravel the paper towel and pour my crushed almonds over a good few dollops of Total/FAGE/OAre, and then finish it off with a little clover honey. The whole affair takes about 4 minutes to prepare and eat.

I really recommend trying this. It's ridiculously tasty and healthy to boot. I also recommend taking a second job to pay for your new Greek yogurt habit.