Monday, May 23, 2005

The Lost Art Of The Song Parody

Here is one I read at a meeting, everyone laughed at and then agreed we could never, ever perform it on stage. Here goes!


(Summer of 2004. Four dudes mope on stage)

Jenkins: Hey guys, ya wanna go to the Yankee game Sunday? I got tickets! (they all mumble) Any luck closing that Fergusson deal, O’Malley?

O’Malley: Nothing.

Jenkins: (sighs) You guys, the Knicks traded away Dikembe Mutumbo two weeks ago.

Rogers: It seems like it just happened!

Goldberg: Why would they do this to me?

Jenkins: I’m sure they didn’t do it to you Goldberg.

Boss: Jamal Crawford sucks. He sucks and he…sucks.

O’Malley: It meant more than that.

Boss: You know it meant more than that, Jenkins!

Jenkins: I know, I’m sorry.

Rogers: Now who’s gonna clog up the lane?

Goldberg: And perform safe, high-percentage two-handed jams?

O’Malley: And speak nine languages!

Jenkins: You guys! We can still follow his career!

Rogers: Really?

Jenkins: Sure! When the Knicks front office turns its back on you, you turn your back on the Knicks front office.

Goldberg: Hey. He’s right!

(to the tune of “Hakuna Matata”, from The Lion King)

Jenkins: Dikembe Mutumbo! What a wonderful Knick!
Goldberg: Dikembe Mutumbo! His shot-blocking’s sick!
O’Malley: He played great defense and shot occasional bricks!
Jenkins: Now you’ve got it!
Rogers and Boss: Now we all will pull for the Chicago Bulls!
Jenkins: Dikembe Mutumbo.

O’Malley: Dikembe Mutumbo? What’s that?

Jenkins: He’s the basketball player we’ve been talking about all along. Are you feeling OK O’Malley?

O’Malley: Oh yeah…I’m fine, sorry about that.

Jenkins: Why! When he was a Philadelphia 76er!
Boss: When he was a Philadelphia 76er! (Jenkins: Very nice. Boss: Thanks)
Jenkins: He led his team to the NBA Finals
Despite nagging injuries both ventral and spinal
Goldberg: He was 35 years old! And had to guard Shaq.
And he sucked! But gave his all with every hack!

Jenkins: And oh the shame! Rogers: He was ashamed!
Jenkins: Overall game was lame! Rogers: Gave up 149 points!
Jenkins: Traded for cigarettes! Rogers: Keith Van Horn and Todd MacCulloch
Jenkins: To the New Jersey-

Boss: Jenkins, not in front of the kids!

Jenkins: Oh. Sorry.

All: Dikembe Mutumbo! What a wonderful Knick!
Dikembe Mutumbo! His shot-blocking was sick!
O’M: In fantasy b-ball! He’s always my #1 pick!
Jenkins: Yeah, sing it Chris!
All: From Kinshasa Zaire, but now he’s playing here
Jenkins: Dikembe Mutumbo!

5 comments:

Alex said...

I don't think I alughed at that at all, Geoff.

Downgrade.

Alex said...

Wow, what a horrible mis-spelling of "laughed" I deserve that for being a huge jerk.

Anonymous said...

Here's another sports-themed song parody, one that I wrote last year and that Alex can find just as dull.

(To the tune of AC/DC's "Dirty Deeds, Done Dirt Cheap")

POKEY REESE, SIGNED DIRT CHEAP
***********************************
If A-Rod's trouble and his contract's dead
He's givin' you the blues
You wanna get him but not be soaked in debt
Here's what you gotta do:
Pick up the phone
Reese is always home
Call him any time
Just ring
.215-1-12 hey
Barely costs a dime

Pokey Reece, signed dirt cheap
Pokey Reece, signed dirt cheap
Pokey Reece, signed dirt cheap
Pokey Reece and he's signed dirt cheap
Pokey Reece and he's signed dirt cheap

You got problems with an infield glove
You got a broken heart
Hicks ain't dealin' with your GM friend
That's when the teardrops start -- Fella,
Pick up the phone
Reese's here alone
Or make his agent call
A-Rod's dim
Forget about him
We'll play some lame baseball

Pokey Reece, signed dirt cheap
Pokey Reece, signed dirt cheap
Pokey Reece, signed dirt cheap
Pokey Reece and he's signed dirt cheap
Pokey Reece and he's signed dirt cheap

If you got a Nomar and you want him gone
But you ain't got the guts
Manny's naggin' at you night and day
Because he's clearly nuts
Pick up the phone
Leave them alone
It's time you made a stand
For a fee
I'm happy to be
Your second-baseman

Pokey Reece, signed dirt cheap
Pokey Reece, signed dirt cheap
Pokey Reece, signed dirt cheap
Pokey Reece and he's signed dirt cheap
Pokey Reece and he's signed dirt cheap

Concrete shoes, ultra-high... LOB
Signed dirt cheap
Dreadlocks, contracts, play slow-pitch
Signed dirt cheap

Pokey Reece, signed dirt cheap
Pokey Reece, signed dirt cheap
Pokey Reece, signed dirt cheap
Pokey Reece, signed dirt cheap

~Serico

Alex said...

Can we get some song parodies about flowers, or maybe sandwiches? I'd enjoy that more.

Hey anyone else drunk right now? No? Me neither.

Anonymous said...

To the tune of Snap's "I've Got The Power"

I've got the flowers!
I've got the flowers!
I've got the flowers!
I've got the flowers!

~Serico