Friday, August 05, 2005

Sex With The Stars

1) I wonder if, when you have sex with a celebrity, its rude to be totally starstruck the whole time, saying, "Wow, I can't believe it! Jude Law! I'm totally having sex with superstar actor, Jude Law!"

2) Let's say you could breath in space. How close could you get to the sun before you'd evaporate? [This thought was cause by my momentary misreading of my own headline]

3) Let's say you WERE having sex with Jude Law, and he was totally fantastic, and afterwards, you said, "You sure are talented, Mr. Ripley," would he correct you, and explain that he did not play the character of Mr. Ripley in the movie? Or would he just accept the compliment.

4) Do you think Jude Law wants to enter into a gay relationship with me?

5) Let's say this post rapidly spiraled out of control... Should I delete it?

Answer to 5: Yes.


Geoffrey said...

1) I think probably. But I bet there are a few out there who would reeeealy like it.

2) Is evaporate the proper word here? I think "incinerate" is more apt.

3) Probably.

4) Not really.

5) No, it was fun! I have a great time reading blogposts!

Anonymous said...

Aren't we like 99% water. So wouldn't evaporate be the right word afterall.

Jeff said...

2) Pretty close. How do I know, you ask?

Well, a few years ago, we were doing a sketch called Funsucker, and, due to a similar misreading, I start performing a different sketch called Sunfucker, which was basically me just fucking the sun. It should be noted that both myself and the sun were actual size, so I was this infinitesimally small human being attempting to penetrate the awesomely huge sun. It hurt a lot, but I never evaporated (nor was I incinerated).

Anonymous said...

apparently the sun loved you and saw your hurt and though it broke her heart she beckoned you to go, quickly, before you evaporated.

(the sun sighing, "oh Jeff this can never be. our love is doomed from the start. please go before i destroy everything that is good about you. if you evapoarate... i shall too... and what then... a real lot of innocent people will die...")