Monday, August 01, 2005

Two Pigeons, One Stone

While scrabbling in the park with the roommates, solutions began to reveal themselves…

Problem One: Swarms of annoying pigeons taking over the city.

Problem Two:
Hungry people on the streets who don’t have enough food to eat.

Feed the pigeons to the hungry people! I mean, come on. How much more obvious does it need to get?

Nah, just kidding. That’s terrible, Chris.

In reality, we should probably just murder all the hungry people, ground 'em up, and feed ‘em to the pigeons. Then all the pigeons will die from overeating. Like goldfish.

So you know, I helped a woman carry her stroller up a stairwell this morning, so my karma bank was totally positive enough for this post. Happy Friendship Day!


Anonymous said...

What do you suppose would happen to all those dead pigeons? You're talking millions (possibly tens of them) of pigeon carcasses.

This is the classic mouse --> cat --> dog --> bigger dog --> wolf --> lion --> bear --> elephant --> mouse circle. Quite a quandry.

Alex said...

I fear the giant mouse that eats elephants.

Anonymous said...

ELEPHANT LARRY'S GROUP BLOG: Fearing elephant-shaped rat turds since 1832.

christopher said...

Good question, anonymous 1:29 pm.

All those dead pigeons lying around means NEW JOBS for the unemployed, as well as any unmurdered hungry people.

I'm very excited about this idea.

anonymous_1:29 said...

It's good to see you've thought this through. I am humbled, but NOT hungry.

Anonymous said...

in china, there are no pigeons.

when asked where all the pigeons were, the tour guide responded: we have one billion people.

christopher said...

See? THAT's what I'm talking about, people.

Anonymous said...

also, when my parents were in china, they ate pigeon. my mom kept telling herself it was quail. but it wasn't. it was pigeon.