The Ten Girlfriends Of Patrick Haggerty

In August 2003, my family went up to Binghamton University to drop off Kid #3, Tristan. While he was busy buying books and computers and such, my brother Patrick and I hung off to the side, bored.

Because he was 12 at the time and beginning to like girls (presumably), I decided to tease him, as I am a big brother, and that is Job #2 of big brothers right between beating up your brothers and stealing your brother's lunch money.

Here is what ensued:

Me: "So, ya got any girlfriends?"

Him: (sarcastically) Yeah. Ten.

Me: Ten?

Him: Yeah.

Me: What are their names?)

Him: Jennifer, Mary, Kate, Laura...(pause, starts looking around)...Tree...Leaf. Stick, Sidewalk, Fire Hydrant and...(long pause, looks at metal railing). Solid Steel.

Me: "Solid Steel?"

Him: Yeah. She beats me up.

Me: Why don't you break up with her?

Him: Because she'll beat me up harder.

Bad enough when your 14-year old brother is funnier than you; much worse when it's been that way for two and half years (at least).