Major Events In The History Of My Fingernails

1) May of 1995. Whilst on a camping trip with my boy scout troop (yes, I was a boy scout), myself and a fellow scout went to retrieve water from the spigot inconveniently located down the trail a piece. To avoid making too many trips, we took two huge jugs and a long stick to slide the jug handles on so we could share the heavy load.

After filling the jugs, I slid one down the stick, then the other. While sliding this second jug, my right ring finger, like an idiot, caught an enormous splinter under its fingernail, all the way through to and puncturing the cuticle. I promptly ran back to the campsite screaming.

After three weeks of soaking the nail/splinter combo in warm water, it finally came out of its own accord. It might be my imagination, but it seems my nail is still quite funkily shaped as a result.

2) That manicure I got the other day. Dat's-a nice...