Wednesday, March 12, 2008


Dear Elephant Larry fans... I have some news to present to you with a heavy heart today. Unfortunately, it is with great regret that I must tender my resignation from Elephant Larry.

In the last few days, it has come to light that I spent over $80,000 trying to have sex with Governor Eliot Spitzer. Hey, plane flights to Albany don't come cheap. Am I right?

This shows a flagrant disregard for my significant other, my comedy group, and moreover, the great people of our audience.

Though I was never successful in getting Eliot Spitzer to have sex with me, the point is, I tried. Like, really, really hard. I took out several ads in local Albany newspapers, sent the most delightful chocolates to his office, and yet, not once did I have sex with Eliot Spitzer.

I know that Elephant Larry will continue without me. Nay, Elephant Larry will thrive. I wish all of them, and all of you, the best of luck. However, I should add that I will be spending the rest of my remaining days on this Earth not resting until I have sex with Eliot Spitzer. I'm coming for you, Spitzer. Mark my words. Thank you.