The Lake

So.

This past Saturday, Stefan and Biz got married. It was beautiful, everyone cried.

The precise spot where they got married was an idyllic location, a little grassy spot next to a lovely lake... no, more surrounded by the lake. I'm scouring my friends' Facebook pix for a good shot of the bride and groom and water, but this shot of the groomsmen was as good as I could get:


Stefan wanted a Reservoir Dogs thang. Mission Accomplished.

(Side note: remember that tiny shot of me looking cool.)

Much, much later that evening, everyone thought it would be a good idea to have a nice little campfire kinda thang right around the spot where Biz and Stefan tied the knot. And they were right! It was a great idea. We told ghost stories (ghost screenplays, more precisely), we shoved cheese in Alex's mouth. Real fun.

Now I'm not going to lie to you, folks. There was a little drinking. It was pretty mellow and nice, but I'd say everyone was having a good time. Including yours truly. At some point in the proceedings, I decided that it was time to relieve myself.

I wish there was a little bit more of a lead-up to this, but there just isn't. I started walking into the woods away from the campfire, but there were no woods. Literally two steps later, I was up to my neck in water. I immediately pulled myself out, shouted "Are you KIDDING me?", and lay down in my original spot, next to the campfire. I guess I was hoping that no one would notice.

No such luck. I've never seen a group of people laugh harder in my life. I didn't fall into the lake. I literally walked into the lake, upright.

The aftermath was that it was basically the only thing anyone could talk about for the rest of the night. When a new group of people came to the fire, we tried to see how long we could go without mentioning it. No one said anything at all. There was nothing to say. There was nothing to talk about other than the fact that I fell in the lake. So I told them. Because what are you going to do? The next morning was better. I think each greeting started with a reference (Lady in the Water, Lady of the Lake), but we started to get over it.

For some reason, I was charged with telling each new person what had happened most of the time, as is the case here. I personally think it's much better to hear from the witnesses. So please, folks. Comment away.

Birthday Observation

So this past Monday was my birthday, and this past Sunday I celebrated with my family, a nice quiet affair watching the Giants DEMOLISH THE ST. LOUIS RAMS WOO GO GIANTS WON THE SUPER BOWL!

Just as I left, my father cranked up the ol' Compact Disc machine and, for the 28th year in a row, played "Birthday," by the Beatles. It's always been impressive to me that on top of their many accomplishments, the Beatles managed to make an awesome birthday song, really the ONLY birthday song other than THE birthday song. Unless you count this one of course.

In our formative years, after dancing around with his children to the Beatles' merry birthday song, my father would immediately leap to his feet and stop the album or skip to the next track. Sometimes he'd make it on time, but sometimes we actually got to listen to the first strains of the next song, a little ditty called "Yer Blues":

"Yes I'm lonely! Wanna die!"

Only recently did I notice this and once I did I found it quite funny, so I had my Dad keep it on. Here's the rest:

Yes I'm lonely wanna die
Yes I'm lonely wanna die
If I ain't dead already
Ooh girl you know the reason why.

In the morning wanna die
In the evening wanna die
If I ain't dead already
Ooh girl you know the reason why.

[Skip]

The eagle picks my eye
The worm he licks my bones
I feel so suicidal
Just like Dylan's Mr. Jones
Lonely wanna die
If I ain't dead already
Ooh girl you know the reason why.

Black cloud crossed my mind
Blue mist round my soul
Feel so suicidal
Even hate my rock and roll

I like to realize that 28 times in my life, my birthday has been immediately Pavlovianly associated with suicide and worms licking bones. Not to mention 26 for my brother, 23 for another brother, 20 for a sister and 17 times for my last brother's birthday. That's 114 suicidal birthdays if you're counting!

PS I'm gonna go ahead and embed that Jack Black sketch because it's amazing.


via videosift.com

NFL/NHL

Script and idea!

Hockey, right? Psh.


NHL Star Called Up To Big Leagues To Play For NFL Team

My Big Fat Face

Is on the Onion.

Amazing graphics guy (and native Staten Islander) Nick Gallo must have taken about a million pictures of me so I could find the proper rubber band-needing face. I'm still not sure I got it.

ALSO, Elephriend Caitlin Steitzer's dad is Dr. John Ahern in THIS video:


Study: Nearly 80 Percent Of Roommates Got So Drunk Last Night

Geoffrey Haggerty Chimes In On The Neti Pot

- that thing is stupid

- I think a better name for it would be "nose boat"

- for now and forever, whenever I see one or hear about one, I will think about James Cromwell's character in Six Feet Under

- it definitely doesn't actually work; it's just a placebo

- it just forced me to hear about bloody boogers

- here it is:

Big Bounce Baker

I find it funny that I auditioned for this:

3032!

I love names and I love gadgets. So this is my favorite thing.

For your edification:

Lawrence - 219th
Solomon - 726th
Haggerty - 3032nd
Principe - Unranked
Zalben - 1st

Geoff Haggerty

Oh man, I love blogging about Geoff Haggerty. It's like, my favorite subject.'

If you said "Hey, what do you want to blog about today?" I would say "Geoff Haggerty."

And if you asked me, "What is the Elephant Larry Group Blog REALLY about?" I would say "Geoff Haggerty."

That's why I always tag my posts with that lovable phrase, "Geoff Haggerty!"

M.I.A.

Oh man!

Chris and I just went to the Dean and Deluca in the Borders in the Time Warner Center to get our daily late afternoon coffee when to what do our wondering eyes would appear was M.I.A.! Her of Arular fame and having a new album out or whatever!

I made these funny jokes:

Chris: I think I heard that she's just getting here now [at 3:40 for a 3:00 appearance]*
Geoff: Oh no! M.I.A. was M.I.A.!

Geoff: It would be funny if the Borders people switched the "g" and the "n" and tried to convince M.I.A. she was there for an "album singing." "Them: Oh! Sorry M.I.A.! You agreed to an album singing! You have to sing your album now!"

* he only said something like this.

PS I promise I'll stop tagging myself.

Rumors

Listen.

Ever since Joe Torre essentially got fired yesterday, there's been a lot of speculation.

The Yankees will want someone steadfast, a good leader. Someone with an intimate knowledge of the team and an extensive background in sketch comedy. Someone who loves the Yankees, and managing more than anything else in the world.

But as much as it pains me to say, I am using this blog to formally announce that I am taking myself out of the running for manager of the New York Yankees.

No one could ever hope to succeed a man of the grace, class and strength of will of Joe Torre, and I for one refuse to be the man stuck in his long, historic shadow. I wish him well in all his future endeavors and wish his family luck and health.

Another reason I will refuse to be considered for the job is that I am really pissed off at the Yankees.