Swing and a miss

Don impersonators make me sad.

The announcer for this movie trailer does not have an easy job. The dialogue he was given to read is awful and it seems to spoil the entire plot of the film. But he gets through it as best he can...

...until the end. It sucks for him that his last sentence ends on the words "sleep dealer" and then he has to say "sleep dealer" one more time right after that. But boy oh boy, that last "sleep dealer" is not good. He almost sounds like he's announcing the name of a romantic comedy or dog movie.

Related: Every announcer that does British movies is TERRIBLE.

Drag Me To Hell Trailer

I've enjoyed the trailers I've seen for this Summer's movies. Wolverine looks big and stupid and fun. I've really enjoyed the Star Trek trailers, and love the concept of the movie. Up is, I've been told, a documentary about me when I'm an old man, but with my current personality.

But none of them have given me that jump-up-in-your-seat, giddy, "I want to watch this again right now," thrill that the above trailer did.

I didn't realize the real Sam Raimi had gone anywhere, until we got him back.

A thousand times yes

Thank you Videogum for posting the greatest movie trailer I've ever seen:

We're ALL DEAD!!!

Jesus XMAS that new Terminator trailer is good.

Is a link even necessary? I mean you've already seen it, right? Or you're watching it right now, right? Ah, what the heck..

Depress-edy

The other mall cop movie (the one with Seth Rogen) is coming out soon, and they've put up a clean trailer and a red-band.

Both versions make this movie seem like a really, really depressing comedy. But man oh man, the red-band trailer is even MORE depressing. Wow.

Would You Like To Know More?

Hey, I guess it's "post random internet crap" day here at the blog, so let's go for it. First, check this out:



Then, realize a few facts:

1) This was filmed a few weeks ago.

2) It's not a viral film promotion, it's an actual PSA for a Child Abuse support organization.

3) Starship Troopers is a really great movie! You should probably watch it again:

What You'll Be Doing For The Next Hour and Forty Two Minutes

Year One

FYI, and you're welcome to disagree, this sucks:



But this does not:

Revolutionary Road

Fneh.

I guess the acting was good?

Oscar Best Picture Nominees, with commentary by recurring characters from In Living Color:

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - Hated it!
Frost/Nixon - Hated it!
Milk - Two snaps up
The Reader - Homey don't play dat
Slumdog Millionaire - Let me show you something

Because her name is Summer! I get it!

This trailer is real, though it seems to be narrated, edited, cast, shot and titled exactly like a fake trailer that might appear in a devilishly sardonic Hollywood satire. How devilish and sardonic! Except it's not.

For Strong SciFi Violence and Brief Nudity

Grittier rat/food cartoon

Oh neat! Someone crossed Ratatouille and Beowulf and suck!

Yes, I know it's based on a book, and no, that doesn't matter.

Sequels

I'm amazed they made 5 Saw movies. But I'm REALLY amazed they made 10 Ben movies.



Really, how much longer can they continue to stretch this stupid Ben thing out.

JP3

So I watched a morsel of Jurassic Park 3 on, I'm guessing, TNT the other day.  It was some point in the beginning/middle of the movie, where Alan Grant's assistant steals the velociraptor eggs and they're still looking for William H. Macy and Tea Leoni's kid.  You know the part I'm talking about.

Anyway, they come across an abandoned complex in a valley.  The Macy/Leoni kid is a smart one, so William H. is under the impression that he would seek shelter there.  He makes his point thusly:

"He's gotta be down there!  I'd bet my bottom dollar!"

Now I haven't seen JP3 since it was released in 2001.  And yet once I heard this line, I was immediately transported back to my thought process at the time.  It went a little something like this:  How in God's name did this line make it into a major motion picture?

Here is my only theory.  This line isn't just bad: it is ironically funny.  I snickered every (both) time I heard that line.  This line is too bad to actually be written that way.  So that means William H. Macy decided to say this line.  Why?  Because it was so stupid.  Because it was an inside joke to himself.  

Now here is the sad (or not a big deal) fact: it got put into the movie.  At no point did the director say "don't say that line, it's stupid".  At no point did the editor go "Well, we can't use that take, that line is too stupid."  At no point did a fellow castmate go "Hey, William.  Don't say that line.  It's stupid."  At no point did William H. Macy himself go "Maybe I shouldn't say this stupid line.  It's really quite stupid."  OK, OK, maybe one of these things happened; but not enough to not have it in the movie.

Here I have two theories: One, everyone was too lazy to take William H. Macy's joke out of the movie.  Two, everyone was rolling their eyes at this silly movie so much, they felt that this line belonged/wasn't a big enough deal to take out.

If it's theory two, I have no problem with that.

Newman, hungry.

Just a great, simple picture from the Times that reminded me of my Newman fandom.

Sad.

The Best Line in Death Race

As spoken by the lovely Joan Allen:

"Listen cocksucker, fuck with me and we'll see who shits on a sidewalk."

Ghostbuster

God bless the always hilarious Chris Hardwick for making this:

"Would you like some hot dogs with that?"

...is now, officially, my new favorite phrase ever spoken by a human being.

When I got asked that at the Regal Cinemas in Times Square last night, here are my thoughts, in order:

- "Really? They actually make you guys say that?"

- "What? With my bag of candy?"

- "Hot dogs are a side dish?"

- "I don't know, maybe."

- "Wait, no, I don't want any hot dogs."

- "I don't know, you do like hot dogs."

- "Yeah, true. And, it would be pretty hilarious to eat hot dogs at midnight."

- "And then you could blog about it!"

- "That's true. That would be funny..."

- "There you go. How many do you want?"

- "No, come on, I don't need hot dogs. I'm not even hungry. I'm only treating myself to candy because I'm upset that I have to see a Midnight showing of Clone Wars."

- "Yeah, what's up with that?"

- "I have to review it, and have the review up first thing in the morning."

- "Uh. I'm sorry, that sucks."

- "Yeah... It's cool. Thanks, though."

- "Hey, you know what would make you feel better?"

- "What?"

- "Hot dogs."

- "Yeah, that's true, I... WAIT A SECOND! Stop tricking me."

- "I'm not! Hot dogs."

- "Come on, stop it!"

- "Red Bull."

- "Now you're just quoting the Yes Man trailer."

- "Shhh... The movie's starting."

[90 Minutes Later]

- "Hey, wake up, the movie's over."

- "Huh? What? Did they resolve anything?"

- "I don't know, I was asleep, too. You want to grab a hot dog before we head home?"

- "Oh, you."

[The End]

This Joke Is Too Complicated

I hear Rhianna's next single is called 'Even Stevens.'

I've been wanting to use that joke for months at this point, but there's far too much background necessary to it to be funny. So I'll explain it:

1) Rihanna and Shia Laboeuf dated for a while (and are possibly still dating?)

2) Shia Laboeuf did a movie called Disturbia.

3) Rihanna released a single called Disturbia.

4) Shia Laboeuf became "famous" by appearing on the Disney Channel show 'Even Stevens.'

So the implication is that Rihanna is mining the back catalog of Shia Laboeuf film and TV appearances for song titles. See, isn't that super funny?