Just went to get coffee across the street, and they were playing Cypress Hill's "Rock Superstar." Now, if you remember, this song was released in two versions, rock, and "Rap Superstar" version. They are both awesome. Just thought everybody should remember this amazing piece of songmanship.
In other news, I have had approximately eight cups of coffee today, and I'm still exhausted. Come to Caroline's tonight, and see if I take a nap on stage!
I might, you know.
Monday, February 28, 2005
Rock/Rap Superstar
Champion!
Ladies and gentlemen. My littlest brother Patrick is officially the CHAMPION OF EIGHTH GRADE CYO DIVISION B BASKETBALL ON STATEN ISLAND!!! And so is the rest of his team!
Yes, in a rousing 42-20 game that was more exciting than the final score (I swear), the eighth graders from Our Lady of Good Counsel defeated Holy Rosary and won the championship in their last game with the school. And there was Patrick, the man who scored the first points for this motley crew over six years ago, on the court at the end of the game, trying his hardest to foul someone on the other team. Just because he loves fouling people.
How much does he love fouling people? A few weeks ago, Patrick played three or so minutes, and had three fouls, two within the first seven seconds of entering the game. Go Patrick!
At any rate, congratulations OLGC!
EL @ Caroline's TONIGHT!
Elephant Larry will be bringing their patented sketch comedy stylings to the Young Alumni Comedy Night at Caroline's, tonight only! Right after work! At 7:00PM! It's already sold out! But they just released a small block of tickets! Get 'em while they're hot! GAH!
Young Alumni Comedy Night
February 28 - 7:00 PM
(Doors Open at 6:00 PM, Seating at 6:30 PM)
Caroline's on Broadway
1626 Broadway (btwn. 49th and 50th Sts.)
Tickets: $4
Call (212) 757-4100 for Reservations... Tell 'em you're there for Cornell University!
Side Note
Just wanted to point your attention to a little new thing on the right side of our blog (and on the front page of our website). EL friend's Ty & Anna are doing a run/walk/trot thing for Leukemia research, and we've begrudgingly agreed to post links to their personal pledge pages.
Also, we'll probably be doing some sort of fundraiser for 'em during the run of our show, but more on that later.
Hooray for Leukemia!
Research, I mean!
Overload!
I really don't know where to start with this. Except, it will definitely save money and time, because now I don't need to buy a package of chocolate chip cookies, and then a package of peanut butter cups, and then stick the cookies on top of the peanut butter cups, and then eat that.
I saw these on display in Tower Records on Friday, but sort of ran by quickly, and thought the package for the S'mores flavor said, "Just like you used to make around your campfire!" But as it turns out, they just use Campfire brand marshmallows. And mis-spell s'mores.
Later on that day, Geoff and I went BACK to Tower Records to look at these items further, and proceeded to block up the whole check out line. We then had to tell people, "No, please go ahead, we're not buying anything." Or, as Geoff more appropriately said, "Don't mind us, we're just making fun of candy in a music store."
More info, and the chance to buy your own display case, at OverLoadCup.com. Also, check out the "fan mail."
ROCK.
The Mars Volta, Doves, and Jack Johnson are all releasing new CDs tomorrow.
There's also a NYT article by Jon Pareles about TMV and the rebirth of prog.
Prog sounds like frog.
Via Coolfer, an excellent music-industry blog you should read every single day.
Botanic Euthanasia
I have a plant and it looks like this:
If you couldn't tell from the bright yellow words written across the image, it's called a "spider plant." I'm not a biologist, but this is probably because of all the long spidery stalks coming out from the center.
Which brings me to my question. The thing is, watering this plan in any normal sort of way gets real stupid, real quick. Whenever I pour water over it from above (like in a natural, rainfall sort of way), it gets all caught in the long stalks and slides down, out, and away from the plant. Honestly, it's like it doesn't want to get watered at all.
But then, when I try and respect what I think it's trying to tell me, it gets all dry and withery and die-y looking. In short: this ain't no cactus, and it obviously needs a good deal of water to live.
So I guess what I'm asking is this: Is my plant suicidal?
I'm not saying this stupid plant has emotions. It's just that its natural anatomy seems to go contrary to the obvious path of survival. And from my dwindling high school science education, any sort of organism that's fundamentally suicidal would be some sort of evolutionary anomaly, right?
I'm not sure what I'm gonna do, but I might just let it die.
Or eat it.
I don't know.
The Kids' Book of Insults
New Feature on the website:
Actual Selections From The Kids' Book of Insults
A) I found this book the other day... Don't know where I got it from.
B) Everything in this feature is copied, verbatim, from the book.
C) Any copyright problems, please e-mail me, Todd Strasser, and I'm happy to take it down. You can check out Mr. Strasser's website at ToddStrasser.com, which I heartily recommend doing after you've read the Feature.
Sunday, February 27, 2005
In a World...
Not to double post about this, but there's a really excellent, really blurry internet only trailer up for Hitchhikers:
http://video.ugo.com/player.aspx?articleID=13939&ref=ts
Best trailer since the one for "Comedian." Hope its up in Quicktime soon...
Jake in Progress
I have to admit, I have no interest in watching John Stamos' new sitcom, "Jake in Progress." But, now that I've read this article in the Times, I may actually tune in.
Reasoning being this, and its not at all the focus of the article. The 28 year old producer of the show started by writing and pitching a half hour romantic-comedy version of 24, which would follow one 20 year old guy on a disastrous date over the course of a season. Not a great concept, but still might be kind of fun. After adding John Stamos, and a significant amount of network retooling, its now about a late thirties guy who goes through the male version of the first season of sex and the city.
That's really a different show. It makes me very sad, actually, especially since they pay almost no attention to that fact, and instead mention how happy the creator of the show is to be given a chance to write.
In any case, I'm gonna check it out to see if it's a show that's as much at war with itself as the article seems to suggest.
Jake in Progress premieres March 13 at 9pm.
Friday, February 25, 2005
The Old Negro Space Program
Watch this movie immediately:
The Old Negro Space Program
I saw it Aspen last year as part of a short films program, among other films made by celebrities, with big budgets, etc. This was made by a guy on his laptop with no budget, and was by far the best.
I've been looking for it online for over a year, and finally found it.
Awesome. Awesome to the max.
You Got Your DVD in My Peanut Butter!
Maybe this was all over the news and I just missed it, but... In Tower Records, I noticed a new product called DualDisc. What is it? Its a CD on one side, and a DVD on the other.
This isn't particularly revolutionary for DVDs, they always play CDs. It is, however, pretty interesting on the CD and Artist side of things.
First off, it comes off a little bit as a last ditch effort for CDs to get onto the lucrative DVD market, which is sad. But, at the same time, perhaps a better idea that Enhanced CDs, which always seem kind of lame anyway? You just flip over the disc and stick it in your DVD player, and get the same enhanced CD content, on a better screen, with better audio...
On the artist side of things, this sounds like an even better deal, a much more effective way to promote your album. I assume it's prohibitively expensive for smaller bands, but if not, this is something they should jump on right away.
Here's the official dual disc website (not the unofficial fan site, unfortunately). And here's a partial list of the exciting titles you can pick up on DualDisc:
* Avril Lavigne, "Under My Skin"
* Dishwalla, "Opaline"
* Donovan, "Fairy Tale"
* Five for Fighting, "The Battle for Everything"
* Incubus, "A Crow Left of the Murder"
* Jennifer Lopez, "Rebirth"
* John Mayer, "Heavier Things" - ***Sexiness Alert!
* Los Lonely Boys, "Los Lonely Boys"
* Omarion, "O"
* Sammy Hagar, "Hallelujah"
* Switchfoot, "The Beautiful Letdown"
* Toby Keith, "Shock'n Y'all"
Metroid Prime: Echoes
I just beat it last night.
With Nintendo's new system (currently dubbed Project: Revolution) on the slate for the end of this year or early next, this probably means that the Prime branch of the Metroid series is over. When I realized that, I have to admit, I got a little misty-eyed as I watched my Samus stare down a beautifully rendered hideous shape-shifting blob. But I blasted it to hell anyway.
All joking aside, Metroid Prime and Metroid Prime: Echoes are two of my favorite games of all time. They're fun, they're beautiful and now, they're over. It's probably a few years off, but I can't imagine what's in store for the Metroid series. Aside from rinky-dink Gameboy versions. I know, I know, DS. I still can't get into that.
Sorry for another video game post.
We're Looking For a Few Good Animators
Well, one good animator, probably.
We posted this on Craigslist, but somehow forgot to mention it to our beloved Blog... If you can do animation, or know someone who can do animation*, check out the copy of the posting below:
Sketch Comedy Group is looking for an animator to help out with short (10-15 second) animated sequences for their upcoming show.Pass it on...
We're looking for someone with a simple, cartoony style (we're talking Saturday Morning type cartoons), to work with a graphic designer and writer to assemble short pieces that will be displayed during the run of our upcoming sketch show. We are willing to negotiate pay... Being a sketch comedy group, we have limited resources, but will try to make it worth your while.
No experience necessary, but we would like to see a demo of some of your work.
If interested, or for more info on the group, check out http://www.elephantlarry.com , and contact Alex at alex (at) elephantlarry.com .
*Do animation? Make animation? Create animation? Someone help me out here...
I don't wanna buy an Xbox...
...but I guess I don't have a choice now.
What? Nobody cares about Final Fantasy but me? Who said that?
Celebrities: They're Just Like Us!
There's no better way to start your morning than a picture of Keanu barfing out of his car:
Click here for the most animated acting of Keanu's career!
Blech. Why did I even post this?
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Mole-heap?
I think my co-worker, instead of using the common phrase:
"Made a mountain out of a molehill"
just used the phrase:
"Made a monkey out of a mole-heap"
Then again, us Elephant Larry boys are prone to mis-hearings. But man, I would swear this one.
Rich Beyond My Wildest Dreams!
So me and 29 of my closest friends here at work went in on 12 tickets for New York Lottery's "Mega Millions" game. I'm really looking forward to winning all that money...it'll help me out a lot. I'm kind of stunned that one ticket costs $5. That's ludicrous.
Just so you have a rooting interest, everyone here root for A 02 21 24 46 47QP 40QP whatever that means!
Sincerest Flattery
So I recently did a poster for Adam Nowak's show "The Strange Box of Dr. Oddbody," and it was a ton of fun. Here's the poster:
Now I find out through Adam that one of his sister's friends has repurposed my design for her husband:
It's kinda amusing, I think, to have one's work "ripped off" (it's in quotes because it sounds harsher than I mean it) -- especially for this kind of benign purpose. I'm not asking anybody to rewrite Elephant Larry sketches to perform at their uncle's birthday parties or anything, but this is kinda funny/nice.
A Michelin in New York
or, "Giant Puffy White Man Destroys New York Restaurant Scene."
Michelin, besides having a Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man-esque mascot, and making the tires, also trucks in restaurant reviews. Although it is no Elephant Larry, Michelin is literally the most important and powerful name in the history of European restaurants.
Anonymous employees of the Michelin Guide will go to restaurants and hotels throughout Europe, rating them on comfort level and other distinctions. But by far the most important category is the Michelin Star. From the Michelin site:
* One star indicates "a very good restaurant in its category," a good place to stop on your journey.What this doesn't tell you is how every chef in Europe spends their entire lives trying to get even one star on the Michelin scale.
* Two stars denote "excellent cooking, worth a detour," with specialties and wines of first-class quality.
* Three stars reward "exceptional cuisine, worth a special journey," where diners eat extremely well, sometimes superbly. The wine list features generally outstanding vintages, and the surroundings and service are part of this unique experience, which is priced accordingly.
One star means your restaurant will be reserved out forever. Two stars means that you are a superstar chef, and will have a long career. Three stars means your patrons will orgasm for fifteen hours while consuming your food, and you will be rich and happy for the rest of your life.
People spend literally hundreds of millions of dollars on the decor of their restaurants alone, hoping to attract a coveted Michelin Star. For a really good account of all of this, read "Feeding Frenzy," which discusses the process.
If you ever lose a star (i.e., go from 3 Stars to 2 stars, or, god forbid, 2 stars to 1)... Let's just say that some chefs haven't survived the process. By which I mean, they committed suicide after losing their Michelin Star rating.
So... What does this mean for New York? Well, not much initially, I think. But if Michelin fever grips NYC the way it does ALL OF EUROPE, we're in for bigger and bigger, gaudier and more over the top restaurants all over the City.
As someone who can't afford any of these places, it'll certainly be fun to watch. But I think NYC has a great restaurant scene as it is, and I hope in the invasion of Michelin doesn't change things too much.
...and here's the Press Release.
Too High!
Natalie Portman Chased By Angry Mob
Actually, not really, but that's what a news story in today's AM New York seems to imply.
Turns out, Ms. Natalie was filming a kissing scene in front of Jerusalem Western Wall, which is prohibited. Cause you can't kiss or act in a holy place. Seriously.
She was then yelled at by the rabbis in the area, until the whole film crew had to leave.
In their defense, she was kissing a pork sandwich.
Yeah Right
This cartoon obviously done by somebody who has NO idea what either Robin or Batman look like.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Quizzical
Okay, so I haven't taken one of these personality type quizzes since the first week of college, but this one's pretty good actually -- the personality profiles are specific and seemingly accurate, as far as I can tell from the limited sample size of my friends. And it's not like a horoscope, where you can apply whatever it says to your life in some way.
You just answer a coupla pages of questions (pretty entertaining ones) about sex and love and it determines what your sex/lovelife personality is. Here's the link:
OK Cupid Test
Bonus points if you guess which one I am.
Sketch Blogs Of Note
Hello everyone! Long time no blog. Long time no post? Yeah, probably that second one but I still find blog to be a ridiculous/funny word and like to use it at all occassions. I'm sure that will wear off...eventually.
Anyway, I just wanted to point out that some of our sketch comedy breathren, Seattle's Flaming Box Of Stuff has just started their own blog! They are funny people and utterly worth your time-wasting. In their early work, I particularly like the title of Dusty's post at 2:26pm on 2/23. Oh my God. BLOG CRITIQUE.
Some of our other sketch comedy breathren, The Royal We also have a blog. You should check that one out too!
And there some other blogs elsewhere. Read every blog! BLOG! Yeah, I'm sick of it now.
"...and nobody had any idea what I was talking about!"
So, this is pretty cool. It's like Metropolitan Diary, but without the gee-whiz-only-in-new-york-ness constantly being shoved down your throat. Click here:
Overheard in New York
Be careful. It's really easy to read about a hundred thousand of these without realizing it. They also have a site devoted entirely to office-specific eavesdropping. And finally, Geoff & Stef wrote this recent and relevant feature last week.
On a side note, does anyone remember Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies? It ran for 20 years in the Voice (alongside Matt Groening's Life in Hell). Unfortunately, I couldn't find any substantial examples of the strip online, but here's an article about his last book.
The Hollow Men
Marni just mentioned to me that Comedy Central has started playing promos for their new sketch show, "The Hollow Men." So I went a looking, but did not a finding... I did find this advanced review, which I think, takes a pretty fair look at the pilot.
I've seen them a couple of times now, and even hung out with them a bit (before they left for LA to start shooting the pilot), and they are really nice, funny guys. Their stage show is very crisp and well rehearsed, and the pilot itself is well shot, acted, etc.
I do agree with a bunch of the points made in the review, but I do disagree with the general sentiment. While not a gang-busters show, I have, over the several times I've seen them, laughed a lot at their material, and generally feel like they put forward a solid effort. And, I think its totally awesome that CC is taking a chance on a sketch group, rather than a celebrity anchored or shoved together ensemble sketch show. You go, CC!
Anywho, the show is premiering a lot sooner than I expected (March 10 at 10:30pm), and runs for 6 episodes from there, so be sure to check it out.
Also, I'll letcha know when the promo comes online.
Things I'm Not Looking Forward To This Weekend
I'm sure there's more things I'm not looking forward to this weekend, but this is the big one.
Blogscars
I don't care about the Oscars this year. Really. But if I did, I would be reading this:
Gil Cates Oscars Blog
I think its very cute for some reason. I guess that's cause I would love to be snuggling with Mr. Cates while he calls the show. That would be nice. He'd be like my teddy bear.
Uh-oh. Looks like I need more coffee to get over this mid-day slump! HA-HA!
The True Adventures of Chad, The Guy Who Was So Into Super Monkey Ball Deluxe That He Decided To Live In a Ball
Yeah, what the title said. Oh, how you corporations love your viral videos.
Here's Some Blindness for You
I somehow didn't believe it when I heard the name, but this website is freaking small:
Guimp: World's Smallest Website
The best part? It comes in HTML & Flash versions, and it has a ton of mini games you can play, if you squint really, really hard.
I totally kick ass at tiny Pac Man.
Royal Scandal Contest!
Hey gang, this comes from a friend of EL:
Raise your hand if you're bored at work? Okay! I'm got some fun brainstorming for y'all. We're trying to name the show we're working on about the British royal family--its going to air right before Charles' big wedding. The show is going to be all fun--full of scandal & whatnot, and we're trying to poke a good deal of fun at them. So, now we're trying to name it. Here's some words to play with: Monarchy, Royals, Brits, British, Family, Throne...So go to it, bloggerinos! Name that show!
Again--its gotta infer the idea of the show--scandal, sex, dysfunctional, etc.
Your prize: NOTHING!
Ever So Much Fun
Here's a fun game you can play today. And it's only slightly at the expense of others.
Choose one person. Preferably a person who you'll be seeing constantly throughout the day.
Next, see how many times you can use the phrase "ever so..." while speaking to that person. It must be used organically, and part of the construction "ever so [adjective]". For example:
Coworker Bob: Oh, man. This huge project's due by two o'clock!
You: I'll be ever so relieved once it's done.
Coworker Bob: Me too. Sometimes I don't know how much longer I can take this bullshit.
You get the point. See how many times you can say it before your person calls you out on it, either vocally or through major WHAT?!-like body motions.
Bonus points for using the adjectives delighted or worrisome.
"New" iPods
I feel like its my obligation to tell you about this.
Amidst rumors that Apple might release a wireless iPod, or all color iPods, this morning they officially put on sale... Slightly cheaper iPods.
Actually, its a little more than that. The best news (unless you're Marni, who just bought an iPod Mini last week) is that the minis now come in 6GB versions, and start at less that $200 (for the 4GB version).
Apple has also started to phase out the regular iPod, now just available in the 20GB size, and dropped the price of the iPod Photo (40GB & 60GB) down to a more reasonable $349 & $449. Which, mind you, almost half a grand for an mp3 player is still ridiculous.
Awesome. Apple released new products I feel no obligation to purchase. Cheers to me and my savings!
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
The Military + Video Games = ???
Apparently the folks at Epic Games, makers of Unreal Tournament, are developing their popular shoot-and-blast-and-kill-em into a tool for U.S. troops in Iraq. And get this: it's not to make them fiercer in combat, but to "sharpen language and cultural skills that could help them avoid a potentially deadly confrontation."
Here's the full article.
Interestingly enough, they seem to be having difficultly eliminating all of the violence. One of the directors recalls that "in one of the earlier versions we got rid of the weapons, but one of the testers discovered that if he stomped on other characters, they would explode in blood and guts."
Hm. This whole thing reminds me a little of that movie from a while back. Wonder what LL Cool J thinks about it.
Via Drudge.
The Somerville Gates
Top 100 Gadgets of All Time
Click on that link above for something that definitely Alex, maybe Stefan, and possibly the rest of you will find vaguely interesting.
Special Hoorays for #'s 71, 60, and 29(!).
And if you're curious about what exactly makes a gadget a "gadget," click here. And then probably here. And if you're having an exceptionally bad brain-day, here.
Why are lists so great?
Via Fark.
Monday, February 21, 2005
Well, Duh
Okay, so I'm kickin' back, havin' a beer, watching the tube. I'm using Time Warner Cable's digital channel guide to see what else is on. If you don't know, you scroll through all the different channel choices, and they tell you what other shows are on and give teeny lil summaries of them. So from 11:00PM - 11:30PM they're showing Cops on FX. And the summary is this: "Chase through a neighborhood, intoxicated suspect." Wanna bet they only have this one summary for it?
happy prez day
heads up, i have no shift-ing on this computer. and sometimes no h's.
anyway, elephant larry will be spending most of today down in brooklyn, filming, writing, and 'yes and'-ing, so...
in the mean time, enjoy this stupid list of '20 wacky things you didn't know about united states presidents' from msn.com. but be warned. they're very very wacky. most facts involve cancer or surgery.
yowza.
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Sort Of Live Blogging The Simpsons Gay Episode
Yes, please, parents, be careful. Your children may be exposed to life issues.
Anywho, after Lisa suggests that Springfield allow gay marriage, so they can attract the lucrative gay population, Homer becomes a minister, and performs gay marriages for money.
Then it turns out Patty is gay! More soon.
Update! Wow, that had some funny jokes. But was also kind of insulting to gay people. Turns out that Homer is fine with Patty marrying a woman, but not Marge. And then it turns out that Patty's girlfriend is a man, not a woman. So Patty leaves with Selma to both go be single together.
I don't where to start with the blatant character ignorance that went on this episode... Although, to be honest, I was annoyed with the first Simpsons gay episode, too (where Homer thinks Bart is gay).
Further Update! If The Simpsons wanted an actually good idea of pro-gay content, they should look no further than this duo:
Rowr!
San Fran Slideshow 2
Finally! Its Here!
San Fran Slideshow 2
More pictures! More technical mess-ups! Hooray!
Friday, February 18, 2005
Things I Have Learned Upon Completion of My One-Week Trial Membership at the New York Sports Club
Please note: Chris has never belonged to any kind of gym ever before in his life. This trial membership was merely a desperate attempt to escape a deskbound winter of languorous iniquity.
- Do not try to program complex cardiovascular programs into the treadmill. You will only hurt and embarrass yourself.
- Despite intellectually mocking it in the past, there is a correct and intelligent way to lift heavy objects.
- Do not ask the girl running next to you how to operate your treadmill. Not only will she question your ability to operate simple machinery -- she’ll think you’re hitting on her.
- Don’t feel bad for taking two towels. They don’t mind.
- Do not look creepy, half-naked men directly in the eye. Particularly the creepy, half-naked man standing and staring out of the men’s sauna. Even though he’s been in there every night you've walked by, he is not your friend.
- In the shower, use as much green body soap as you’d like. It’s liquid, and complimentary.
- Don’t be intimidated by the muscular men running next to you on the treadmill and staring at you intimidatingly. They don’t want to hurt you. They only want to see if they're running faster than you.
- On a related note, if you don’t want people to look at your machine, place your towel over it discretely. This does not work in the office.
- Electronic willpower is awesome.
Erotic City 1, Coppers 0
Strip Club Artfully Slips by Anti-Nudity Law
BOISE, Idaho (Reuters) - A strip club in Boise, Idaho has found an artful way to prance past a city law that prohibits full nudity.
On what it calls Art Club Nights, the Erotic City strip club charges customers $15 for a sketch pad, pencil, and a chance to see completely naked women dancers.
In 2001 the Boise City Council passed an ordinance banning total nudity in public unless it had "serious artistic merit" -- an exemption meant to apply to plays, dance performances and art classes.
"We have a lot of people drawing some very good pictures," said Erotic City owner Chris Teague, who has posted many of the drawings around the club.
Teague said he got the idea when a customer asked if he could get in for free to sketch the dancers. Realizing that "art classes" were exempt from the law, Teague decided to bill Mondays and Tuesdays as art nights, and let the dancers go without their G-strings and pasties.
In the two months since they began, Art Club Nights have drawn full crowds of 60 people but no police citations, he said.
Via Sahir, who damn well should have won.
Calling All Ben Folds Fans
There's a new Ben Folds album coming in April and there's a new single out now called "Landed." I like it a lot -- it's that bittersweet Ben Folds ballad thing going on, which I'm always a fan of. Kinda makes you feel nostalgic for sorrowful realizations that come too late for you to do anything meaningful about, that kind of thing. And who doesn't like THAT? Plus, it seems to be about airports, and I love airports and the melodrama of travel.
Here's a stream of the song - low-quality, but you get the idea, mostly.
Not to Dwell on this, but...
What's in a Name?
Last week while brainstorming show titles, Jerf was breezing through The Onion for brainspiration, and he came across perhaps the best band name ever.
I'd never heard of these guys before, nor do I know what their music's like. But unsurprisingly, they're linked to another band with a great name.
For a Movie Called Stealth...
...There's an awful lot of stuff blowing up.
I swear I won't spend all day posting about movie trailers, but... I don't think I've laughed this hard over the insane over-the-topness of a movie trailer in a really, really long time.
I'm not going to say ANYTHING about the plot. Just check it out here. Jamie Foxx. Jessica Biel. A probably going to die at some point in the movie Josh Lucas. Prepare to get your mind blown.
Four Cheers For Things That Don't Suck
See, now, this was the RIGHT way to do the Fantastic Four trailer:
Check it out here
That being said, I still can't understand what the Thing is saying at the end. They need to figure out better hilarious catchphrases.
Also, while we're talking International trailers, check out this version of the Charlie and the Chocolat Factory trailer, which somehow manages to be even more disturbing. Hooray!
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Weird and goddamn terrifying
So, I was hired for a last-minute gig this week as arranger and keyboardist for a demo recording that's being produced by the guy who produced my soon-to-be-released EP. It's a three song recording, and the third song will be a cover of "I Want You (She's So Heavy)" from The Beatles' Abbey Road. Arranging 3 songs on one day's notice can be a little stressful, but I thought, hey, I'm up for it. The fact that one of the songs was a Beatles cover adds a little stress to the proceedings, but I thought, hey, I'm up for it.
Five minutes ago I learned that the girl making this demo has all this buzz behind her and that Paul McCartney may be listening to the record when it's done. The record with my arrangement of his song. I was really tired ten minutes ago. Now I'm pretty sure I'll never sleep again.
AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
...
AHHH!!
Is there for a word for "1 part excited plus 2 parts frightened out of your mind?" If not, someone please make one up. Anonymous, help me out here.
Cumming Soon
I'm on a gay roll today. Alan Cumming is... You know what, I have no idea what word to continue this sentence with:
Alan Cumming is coming out with...
Alan Cumming is releasing...
Alan Cumming is gaysexblarghblufgaduh...
There's a cologne with Alan Cumming's name on it. There you go. Except its called "CUMMING the fragrance," and will soon be joined by products called:
- Cumming Clean
- Cumming Off Buff
- Cumming All Over
It also has the most insane pictures of Alan Cumming ever taken:
Check it out here... I think Defamer said it best: "He’s creating scents and accompanying beauty products that are completely resistant to satire."
Cheers to you, Father of the Mask. Well played!
Via Defamer.
This Just In... Side of You
Daily Show slash fiction. I guess it had to happen someday?
Jon Stewart & Anderson Cooper: "They were all hot and bothered by that smoldering New Year's cap you were donning before, Mr. Cooper. It didn't take much convincing on my part. I hope your dignity is not the only thing that'll be stripped away tonight," Jon murmurs, raising his lips to meet Anderson's for a kiss. He moans softly as their tongues meet, having been separated from Jon for far too long. Reaching his arms up, Anderson entangles his fingers into Jon's hair.
Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, and Paul Dinello: "Don't go playing with yourself yet," Paul warns. More shuffling in the background; Jon sighs but stops himself, knowing that Paul is to be obeyed, and certainly doesn't mind it. "Stephen's almost done, then he's going to suck my dick."
Ack! Via Wonkette.
No Hockey Left
Alternate post titles: Hock-Out! National Lock-out League! Hockey Lockey!
Well you've probably heard that yesterday the NHL ended its season before it even began because of labor issues. It is the first time in major North American sports that an entire season has been lost. (Baseball played over half its season in 1994 before the players struck and thus pulled the plug on a scintillating Yank-Expo World Series). This is disappointing because I was kind of looking forward to them settling yesterday, crazily organizing a 20 game shortened-season or something and THEN starting the playoffs right away. Now that's sports!
As for the labor, I'm mixed about this. The owners want a salary cap, for cost certainty. The players don't want a salary cap, so there's no limit on how much they can make. Makes sense. In general, I'd side with the players; it's really tough to swallow billionaires telling me that I can't make as many millions as I want. But hockey teams have been declaring bankruptcy...the Buffalo Sabres and Ottawa Senators spring to mind, and these are teams that have been in very late rounds of the playoffs. If the owners can't freaking afford it, they can't freaking afford it.
Unlike the baseball strike of 94, it really seems as though the owners are going to stand firm. Possibly to the point of cancelling next season as well, as has been rumored for about two and a half years now. I even heard that one owner, in an emotional moment said that the NEXT season could go as well. That'd be three years without hockey...which is honestly about what my life has been thus far anyway. Continuous strings of three year stretches without hockey.
I imagine the players would capitulate before that happens. I think the owners win this one in the end. Gary Bettman is much smarter than Bud Selig. But hey, I know nothing about hockey. I was mad that a team from Tampa Bay won it all last year. Tampa Bay? Hockey? Come on.
That's [Not] All Folks!!!
Hey! New on the Kids' WB, it's Loonatics!
I think the Post has it right: Apparently, falling anvils and exploding cigars are no longer enough to keep kids 6 to 11 years old entertained.
The new Looney Tunes-inspired series includes Bugs, Daffy, Wile E., Taz, Road Runner and Lola Bunny (Space Jam, anyone?) . The premise is...well, pretty much what you'd expect from looking at the new Bugs. Those lovable LT characters have been projected 700 years into the future, given superpowers, and outfitted in tight-fitting, slenderizing space gear.
Oh well! I'm curious to see if Jerf, our resident Looney Tunes freakazoid, throws a major crapfit.
Via Gawker.
Double Jeopardy!
Hello, friendships.
I just wanted to let you all know that my high school buddy, Mr. Sahir Islam, will be a contestant tonight on Jeopardy! For you NYCers, it'll be on at 7:00 pm on ABC. For all you other jerks, check your local listings, tune the fuck in, and will your god damn positive energy toward him or I'll punch your knees.
This will actually be Sahir's second appearance on the show, after claiming the title of Teen Jeopardy! Tournament Champion in 1998. After that, he went on to compete as the only youngster in the Tournament of Champions. Very, very awesome.
Good luck, Sahir!
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Epiblogue
I was going to write a post about how if Elephant Larry's Group Blog ever came to an end (God forbid), we should each write a post a few weeks after the end. We could each describe what has happened to us since the end of our blog. Of course, we'd call it our "Epiblogue."
It turns out my pun came far, far too late.
Fire Drill
That's a weird combination of words, isn't it? Makes you think it's a drill made out of fire. BUT IT ISN'T!
Anyway, we just had a fire drill at work, which turned out to actually be caused by the guys working on the water mains accidentally setting it off. Which is also weird, right, cause they were working on the WATER and set off the FIRE alarm. THAT'S SO WEIRD!!
Here's some things I refrained from saying as soon as the alarm went off:
"Run for your lives!"
"Help, I'm on fire!"
"Don't worry, I locked five students in the basement."
Favorite Moment:
Three fire trucks have pulled up to check out the non-existant fire. A little annoyed, about thirty strapping young firemen pile into their trucks, and drive away. Just as they're pulling away, an NYU Security Van full of six really fat Security Guards pulls up. They all jump out of the van, and one shouts at another, "They're getting away! You drove too slow!"
They then proceed to run after the fire trucks, which are already two or three blocks away, but only get about ten feet before they decide to stop running, and get back into their van and drive away themselves.
And that's something that happened to me today.
That Certainly Is The Definition of a Hustla
In Cassidy's song "Ima Hustla," he has one of the better couplets in rap I've heard recently:
"I could sell raid to a bug
I could sell salt to a slug."
I love that.
Future Fighting Force
Okay, forget all about that lame-ass Robo-Ball from a couple of days ago. There are some new robots in town and my mind has been totally blown. Fresh from the NYT Tech section:
The American military is working on a new generation of soldiers, far different from the army it has.
"They don't get hungry," said Gordon Johnson of the Joint Forces Command at the Pentagon.
"They're not afraid. They don't forget their orders. They don't care if the guy next to them has just been shot. Will they do a better job than humans? Yes."
The robot soldier is coming.
I’m going to take a moment to type a whole bunch of question marks and exclamation points in a row now.
?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!
What?! Here’s a pull quote:
A prototype, about four feet high, with a Cyclops eye and a gun for a right arm, stood in a workshop at the center recently. It readied, aimed and fired at a Pepsi can, performing the basic tasks of hunting and killing.
And god damn it here’s another one:
A fifth [prototype], originally designed as a security guard, will soon be able to launch drones to conduct surveillance, psychological warfare and other missions.
Psychological warfare?! What?! WE ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THIS PEOPLE. Haven’t these guys seen the Terminators? Or Short Circuit? Maybe even Short Circuit 2?! Apparently, they have:
"The real world is not Hollywood," said Rodney A. Brooks, director of the Computer Science and Artificial Intelligence Laboratory at M.I.T. and a co-founder of the iRobot Corporation.
!!! Which brings up an interesting point. What about those three sacred laws, so wonderfully explored in Will Smith's recent masterpiece?
Mr. Angle [of iRobot Corps] was asked whether the Asimov rules still apply in the dawning age of robot soldiers. "We are a long ways," he said, "from creating a robot that knows what that means.”
Oh boy. There's also an audio slide show and a graphic of the cycloptic prototype. Though not nearly as scary as I'd imagined, there's still no way this is not a bad idea.
On the lighter side, here’s a sketch just bursting with relevance from our last show. Feel free to rock your brains out. That is, while you're still unenslaved enough to do so.
Hitchhiker's Trailer Now Online
1) Boot up your Internet Explorer (this won't work on Mozilla).
2) Download the latest Flash Player at www.flash.com.
3) Go to Amazon.com.
4) Enjoy.
Tech News: Useless Crap for You to Buy
Let's start off with a simple one, the PlasticSmith mini-Skirt Blue-Glo:
It's exactly what it looks like, a little piece of plastic you snap onto the bottom of a Mac Mini, that glows light blue when you turn your computer on. This product is totally useless, and in fact, fills up one of the Mac Mini's two USB ports. So why do I want to buy it, even though I own no Mac Minis?
Next up is the Mickey Mouse Musical Toaster, which not only toasts Mickey's face onto your bread, it also sings the Mickey Mouse theme song every time the toast pops out.
I thought this was made by the same annoying jerks that put together that puzzle alarm clock, but I was wrong.
There's no way I'm not buying this iPod cosy to go with my "Welcome Squid Overlords" T-Shirt:
...and, it turns out, it's made by the same people. What is their awesome fascination with squids?
And last, but certainly least, its Batman Begins schwag, like this "Batman Begins Batcave Mini-Fridge":
Other products include "Batman Sonic Binocular," "Batman PDA," and "Batman electric guitar with amplifier." Clearly, your movie going experience won't be complete until you watch it standing on a mini-fridge, wailing on your electric guitar.
Until next time... I'll see you... In... the... poorhouse!
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Up, Up, Down, Down
In case you haven't seen it, there's a great feature in yesterday's McSweeney's. Click here:
up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, start
Also, here's a dorkingly heart-warming nugget from some site I can't remember: Many people unknowingly add a select when reciting the hallowed Konami Code. This is because on the menu screen, pressing select changed the cursor from 1 player to 2 players. And Contra was always more fun to play with a friend.
Great. Now I'm all teary-eyed.
Buy Me Some Peanuts and Crackerjack!
A nice balmy 55ish degree day. Clear, beautiful skies. That is baseball weather baby! Fittingly too, because pitchers and catchers reported to their spring training facilities today and not a moment too soon! My interest level in basketball was starting to creep past "passing interest". (how about that one? Period outside the quotes for a non-title, right?)
Quick primer for all you baseball lack-of-enthusiasts:
The Red Sox are coming off their first title in 86 years. (Curt Schilling is a schmuck)
The Yankees are coming off the worst choke in major North American sports history. (Let's go Yankees!)
Mike Scioscia is coming off about the worst managerial decision a guy can make in the playoffs. (Washburn against Ortiz? Come on)
No one is talking about Mike Scioscia's decision at all. (Except I did, for some reason)
And everyone in the world does steroids. (Even David Eckstein)
And as always, another baseball season, another attempt by Ken Griffey Jr. to come back from a major injury!
BASEBALL!!!
Mouse Deer
So yesterday my friend Jenn and I got the brilliant idea to go to Central Park and see "The Gates." (Punctuation help...where does the period go in that previous sentence?) This idea was brilliant because it was raining, and by brilliant I mean brilliant sarcastically. So instead of traipsing along the park under neon orange things (which I liked, incidentally, but not enough to argue about), we went to the Central Park Zoo, which I have never been to before.
And which is awesome! It's not particularly huge or anything, but they have some pretty dang colorful and interesting animals there. In the interesting category was an ant farm, which I've never seen before, having never been a child. Seeing those teeming, throbbing ants squeeze by each other through narrow, grossly slick tunnels made me realize I could have never had an ant farm.
Anyway, my favorite animal was the Malaysian Mouse Deer. The Malaysian Mouse Deer succeeded in freaking me the heck out. I don't think that creepy picture I picked does it justice. Neither a mouse nor a deer, the Malaysian Mouse Deer looks exactly like a horrible genetic experiment combining a mouse and a deer. And yet it seems like said horrible geneticists needed some extra DNA to bridge the gap and used spider or insectoid matter to do so...it glided along its spindly legs with very creeping, spastic non-mammalian motions.
The best part of watching this freak was that it was in the same pen as a turtle. A crazy mouse deer and a turtle. I'm sure the turtle had some cool name or features but it looked like a regular turtle to me. As they simultaneously fed from the same dish of veggies, the turtle had to be thinking how crazy it was that it got teamed up with this thing. Or it was thinking about how it had to go duck in the water to regulate its own temperature...or it was thinking nothing. Probably that last one.
And if you're wondering what the Mouse Deer thought of "The Gates," check here.
oh my god i wish i could do this.
Yet again, courtesy of Marni.
If you agreed with me in the past this is the best thing ever, then you will surely agree that this is THE MOST AWESOME THING THAT WILL EVER BE.
Patriotism! For Kids!
If you have a couple of minutes (don't we all) take a visit over to the White House Kids Page. To their credit, the folks who put this site together actually seem to have a decent sense of humor.
They have:
The Barney Interactive Archive, where Barney the White House Terrier "answers" questions.
Weekly Polls that mention snausages whenever possible.
A Quizzes & Games section, featuring The Freedom Timeline Quiz. I only got 50% right, but I did learn that I can help the cause of freedom today by being alert, staying informed, and being brave.
On a side note, my spell-checker wanted to replace snausages with synagogues.
Superrare Vintage T-Shirts
New Feature on the website today:
Superrare Vintage T-Shirts
Too tired to make some sort of sub-joke here. Not without my morning coffee, huh? HUH? Jesus, my eyes hurt.
A glimpse into... THE FUTURE!
This funky little list gives you 28 movies that the IMDB shows as slated for release in 2007 (the only movie listed later than that is the adaptation of the Harry Potter book that hasn't been published yet, which will apparently hit screens in 2008). Among things to look forward to, if you're a huge movie geek:
Lots of Threes
The Bourne Identity, Shrek, Spiderman, and Toy Story series will all get threequels. Which means I'll be excited, DISAPPOINTED, ECSTATIC and hesitant/hopeful, respectively.
Insane Ideas for Action Movies
Like James Cameron's plan to make a half-real/half-CGI anime adaptation in Digital 3D called Battle Angel. And there's also a movie called Kung Fu Panda, which sounds awesome and cute. Oh wait, it's not an action movie, it's an animated movie. Oh wait, I don't care, because it's called Kung Fu Panda so I'm obviously seeing it.
Lots More Preaching to the Choir
Michael Moore's making a sequel! It's actually going to be called Fahrenheit 9/11 1/2. I'm not kidding. These either means he's paying homage to Fellini (which couldn't be more incongruous) or he's ripping off the Naked Gun movies. Apparently, the film will focus on our president being stupid.
An Untitled Prequel to Star Trek!
I don't care.
Abraham Lincoln movie!
Spielberg's making it, starring Liam Neeson. I think that could potentially be great. The movie still needs a title, though. Perhaps...
Honest Guy!
Five Dollar Baby
Penny Dude
Four Score?!
Weird Move for the LOTR Gang
Fran Walsh and Philippa Boyens, who make up 2/3 of the writing team behind Lord of the Rings, are adapting The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. Which is, if I'm not mistaken, that blue book that everybody read on the subway last year. I heard it wasn't all that great. At any rate, it seems like a strange move for this team. Peter Jackson's producing. And also banging Fran Walsh. They're married.
Lastly
A new movie from Michael Mann called Damage Control and a movie called Shantaram starring Johnny Depp which may finally get him a statue. Not like anybody cares about winning statues anymore (though I still obsess over it for no reason).
Well, that about wraps it up for issue #1 of the Countdown to Kung Fu Panda.
Monday, February 14, 2005
‘tis the season for making something out of nothing!
So this co-worker who I don’t know very well left a Valentine waiting on my desk when I came in today. I thought, hey, that’s nice, she gave Valentines to everyone in the office.
But what if she DIDN’T?!!
I haven’t seen any other Valentines around. Maybe people threw them out already; after all, I got to work at 1:45 today, and maybe she gave them out in the morning. But I can’t ask anybody about this, because it’ll sound weird, no matter which of the two possible responses they’d give:
“Yes, she gave everyone a Valentine. Why are you freaking out, you freak?”
or
“No. Why, did she give you a Valentine? That’s funny. You’re the only one that got one. And she’s like 40.”
So, yeah, I’m just gonna keep this little heart-shaped card and kit-kat to myself. And this blog.
DON’T TELL ANYONE OR I WILL KILL YOU ON VALENTINE’S DAY.
(Okay, I'm not actually stressing out over this, but this Valentine's Day has been totally drama-free so far and I felt the need to shake things up a bit.)
RoboBall!
I bet the dude who's starting that underwater hotel could use one of these.
So when does the Future officially start? Did they already announce it or something?
Via Drudge.
1, 2, 3, Valentine's Day!
1) This morning, the Hard Rock Cafe was offering a Valentine's Day breakfast special for singles. Did I mention you also get a free, bright red, Hard Rock Valentine's Day T-shirt to wear? While you're eating your breakfast all alone at the Hard Rock? And suddenly, combating loneliness has just gotten slightly more depressing.
2) The NY Times has an Op-Ed piece about how our marriages to our kids our screwing up our marriages and our screwing.
3) And finally, courtesy of my buddy Sahir (more on Sahir, this Thursday...): A new service, for when monogamy becomes monotony.
T-Shirt For Sale
I got this baby about ten years ago as a hand-me-down and have worn it maybe five times. The sleeves were always a little too short for my liking, though I thought the tagline on the back was pretty funny. And that was before being ironically cynical of everything was cool.
Anyway. Mr. Stefan Lawrence recently informed me that my beloved t-shirt is now selling for $13.00.
Oh wait. Sorry. I put the decimal point in the wrong place.
So, as of today, Valentine's Day 2005, to truly celebrate my love for all my fellow people of this planet, I am offering my valuably vintage, MTV t-shirt for the low discounted price of $1,250.
Actually, I'm not kidding. This is for sale now. So if you or anyone you know wants it, jesus christ, e-mail me right now: chris@elephantlarry.com.
Oh yeah. It's 97% polyester, 3% diamond.
Every Day is the 14th
Check this out:
http://www.xballonline.com/vday1.html
It's a V-Day card Stefan and I made for the X-Ball Online site we used to put together. Ah, those were the days...
Stefan Doesn't Blog Very Much About Music...
...for some unknown reason, because Stefan really likes music. Of course, Stefan doesn't Blog Very Much period, so that may have something to do with it. In any case, Stefan really likes Ben Lee's new song "Catch My Disease" which he heard during Ben's CMJ show in October and then again last week on the radio. The new album, "Awake Is The New Sleep," isn't out till next Tuesday but you can listen to the song right now in this little web thingy. You should all listen to it because it sounds like happy. Big, shiny capital H Happy. Sparkly!
On a side note, while I was writing this, this new employee here at my work came over to ask for something to be printed and heard that I was listening to it -- and it turns out her friend Laura is in the band, and she was around for the whole recording of the album, practically. And she was so happy I was listening to it that she got a little teary-eyed. Crazy! It also made me very happy.
Jeff's the One on the Right
Check out Jeff in four seperate versions of his regional Comcast commercial.
Happy Valentine's Day!
I May Know Art...
...but I know what I don't like.
Actually, dislike is too strong a word. If I used the word "Fneh," I might use that to describe my reaction to "The Gates," the 28 mile long art installation by Art superstars The Christos, that took over Central Park this past weekend.
First of all, it was totally packed:
Now, as you can see, The Gates is just a series of saffron colored banners, hanging from saffron colored posts, that are placed at intervals over almost every pathway in the park.
There are also multi-lingual police officers stationed, to help the many international visitors who have flown in just to see this underwhelming display.
Credit where its due:
a) A ton of work went into putting this up.
b) Its a really nice thing to have in the park.
c) The Christos have donated the entire thing, free of charge, and same with any Gates merch (t-shirts, etc) to the city of New York. That's pretty nice.
d) Its very exciting that people are so excited over a public art display. That, I think, in essence, is the point of a public art display... To gather tons of people in one area and have them all talking about one thing.
However, it more seemed a way of getting people in one area to take pictures of each other taking pictures of something. And, the entire effect, as mentioned is kind of underwhelming.
Double however, I've heard that if you stand on the porch at the new Met, you can see the whole park laid out in front of you, and the effect is much more stunning. I'll be the judge of that. Or won't. Because I'm not an art critic.
End of day, Marni loved it:
And I was sad because The Gates ate the baby right out of that stroller:
Actually, Marni didn't like it, either.
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Friday, February 11, 2005
The Best Ideas Are By Far The Simplest
I would like to build a hotel.
+
I like things that are underwater.
=
I am going to build an underwater hotel.
All awesomeness aside, there is no way that something is not going to go horribly, horribly wrong.
Via Fark.
Spray-On-Sex
Holy Moses, it's sex in a can for women. Not to be confused with that sex-patch from last year, this baby's totally spray on. And that both fascinates and disgusts me. I think a new word may be in order here. That disfascnigusts me.
And don't worry, ladies. The sprayable-sex side effects actually don't sound too bad: beard growth, hair loss, greasy skin and acne. But who doesn't love a balding, bearded, greasy-skinned pimple queen?
Via Drudge.
Welcome Squid Overlords
I never wear slogan shirts. But I just bought two of them. Why?
Here's the most recent one:
Here's the description from the t-shirt's website:
"The cephalopod biomass is now greater than the human biomass. We don't know how many there are or how big they get. We are NOT ready. Play it smart."Guess who's getting a wardrobe makeover this summer? Me, that's who.
Death of a Playwright
Arthur Miller, author of "Death of a Salesman," "The Crucible," and tons of other great American theater has passed away at 89. He did, it should be noted, live a full, wonderful life, a portion of which included banging the shit out of Marilyn Monroe.
To further defile his memory, here's a tangentially related Feature from the EL vaults:
Death of a Car Salesman
JetBlew
Well, not really. That's just a snarky headline. All things told, I didn't put THAT much effort into getting there superearly, so I only have myself to blame. But yeah: here's the story. I got up this morning at 6, after having borrowed some khaki pants from Geoff & buying a can of soup to donate. Headed in, got to ESPNZone at around 7:15 and BOOM, there was already a 200 person line there. So I knew right away that I had NO chance of actually getting a free ticket, but I never like to give up and leave something if I don't know what's going to happen. Plus, I figure that there will be SOME kind of consolation prize, because they don't want you to be all gung-ho JetBlue and then end up hating them because they cut it off after the first 100 tickets and tell you to buzz off. It turns out that some people had been waiting there since two in the morning, which is nuts because it got really butt-ass cold last night. My feet completely froze while I was standing there for 45 minutes, to the point where they hurt and then turned numb.
The people in line were nice, if a little bit unimaginative in their costumes. There were a ton of people with playing cards stapled to them, and those people were Las Vegas. This includes the semi-crazy woman behind me who was almost in tears when she came up to the line and realized she wasn't going to get a ticket. There was a something a little depressing about her, in her playing card hat and her eyes big and watery. She was so mad at herself that she had just missed the slightly earlier train, which woulda gotten her into Times Square by six. She loved to talk and tried to get everybody around her into a conversation. There were a bunch of Hawaiis, a whole lot of city-related sports fans, and at least one chicken. I didn't get to ask the chicken what he represented. I was the only one who was a Long Beach gang member, I can guarantee you that. Not that it mattered, since after they gave out the 150th ticket (150 because there was apparently a huge line-cutting problem and people were being cheated left and right) they ceased caring about costumes. So now I have a white wifebeater that says LBC in gothic script on it for no reason. Whatev, I'll save it for summer fun. Anyway, after they finish distributing the free ticket vouchers, they start giving out raffle tickets -- which is actually pretty cool, because they're giving away 30 tickets, and there were only another 100 or so folks on line after the cutoff point. So the odds here are pretty good. All things told, worth it. I'm a little tired now (and unable, I think, to organize this blog entry in any sort of meaningful way) but I'm glad I did it.
I just also would like to point out that throwing a costume-related event in the middle of winter that partially takes place outside is STUPID. Good god, save this things for summer. I'm just saying.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Keep Drawing, Stefan
Product: Cartoon
Verdict: Hilarious
I'm really enjoying this cartoon, The Perry Bible Fellowship, which I think I remember seeing in this weeks New York Press.
One of my favorites so far (made tiny and unreadable!):
Via Lovely Disaster.
Umm, and if you've ever seen a MEAT show, don't check out this one.
Update! Okay, so check this one below:
Kinda cute, right? Well, I just remembered I DID see it in the NY Press this week, and thought it was pretty incomprehensible (although I figured out what the joke was supposed to be). Turns out, the reason is, NY Press prints in black and white, and the joke depends on the splashes of red. Ah, idiots and their two color printing presses.
Okay, one more, and then you should really check out the full archive (click on the dude walking in the forest on the PBF Page):
Keep Eating, Alex
Product: Dumplings
Verdict: Delicious!
I got lunch at Dumpling Man today, which turned out to be a delightfully scrumptious mistake!
Although it was way too much food, I got 10 steamed vegetable dumplings, with a little dipping sauce (rice vinegar mixed with soy) on the side. I'd been there back when it opened a couple of months ago, but their dumplings are about 3000 times better now. For you non-veggies, you can also get pork, shrimp, or chicken dumplings, and they come either steamed or seared.
Side note: They say if it takes fifteen minutes to get your order, its free. I guess since I got there when it opened (and the crowd of about 20 other people who showed up all ordered seared dumplings), it took a little longer than usual. But i still got my order in exactly 14 minutes. Curses!
Here's their logo:
Aw, I'm gonna rip you in half with my teeth, you cute little dumpling.
Keep Waiting, Jeff
Product: m:robe
Verdict: Lame
The Seattle Post Intelligencer got their hands on one, and describe it as " a shiny brick," griping about slow load time, low battery life (8 hours max, less if you use photos), poor design, etc., etc.
On a positive note, these dumplings I'm having for lunch are delicious.
Hopelessly TiVoted
What up, folks. There's a new TiVo-posting king in town. And he doesn't even own one.
Questions Frequently Asked About TiVo, Answered by Someone Who Loves TiVo Too Much
Hey, Alex. Could you be a doll and pick up that gauntlet I seem to have THROWN DIRECTLY DOWN AT THE GROUND IN FRONT OF YOU.
Free Plane Tix!
Hey creativ-ish, outgoing NYCers: JetBlue (the official airline of Elephant Larry) is giving away free plane tickets tomorrow.
If you go to one of five NYC locations Friday morning at 8:00 am, dressed in a creative costume of a popular JetBlue destination, and bring along a can of food, JetBlue will give you a free round trip ticket to anywhere they fly. Wonder how many folks will actually try to take advantage of this. (Stefan?)
I'm constantly suprised by the relationship between displaying weird or stupid behavior and getting free stuff.
Recipes from My First Cookbook
New Feature on the Website:
Recipes from My First Cookbook, Excerpt Two: Peter Rabbit with Sibling Stuffing
Its Features like these that make me wish I wasn't a vegetarian. Oh wait, that's not true.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Dan Stavers? or ALEX ZALBEN?
From this week's Onion:
'Get TiVo' Friend's Solution to Everything
SANTA MONICA, CA—According to waiter and aspiring writer Ian Shortridge, his friend Dan Stavers has only one piece of advice: "Get TiVo." "You could program a Season Pass so that you never miss the business report," Stavers said, after Shortridge complained that he couldn't get a mortgage. "I'm telling you, TiVo will change your life. Hey, I was right about the iPod, wasn't I?" Since purchasing a digital-video recorder in 2002, Stavers has urged Shortridge to buy one so he can "spend more time writing instead of sitting through all those commercials," "tape some fitness shows and find out how to get in shape," and "catch some funny movies" to help him get over his father's death.
I Want to Kiss this Creature with my Lips
A certain unnamed paper that Chris can't stop posting about talks about this crazy species of mole that can eat earthworm chunks really really really really fast (one every 0.23 seconds, as a matter of fact).
Actually, the real reason I'm posting this is for the rest of Elephant Larry. You see, (Wow, I'm regretting writing this already...) we have these three hilarious recurring characters called The Moles. Their names are Chauncey, Winifred and Percival, and their major interests include digging and making each other sandwiches. I'm gonna make the print smaller now so it doesn't feel like this is taking up as much space as it is. Anyway, the moles have been "alive" since about our sophomore year of college when we wrote this sketch, "Mole Patrol" which absolutely never saw the light of stage. Actually, the only mole to ever make a theatrical appearance is Chauncey. He starred in a sketch appropriately titled, "The Mole," based on the "popular" celebreality series on ABC, I think. You see, Chauncey was a real obvious, high-pitched mole who kept sabotaging the missions of his five cohorts. ha ha ha. (okay, even smaller) Anyway, since college, the moles have made innumerable appearances. Chauncey, after moving to the big city, has found rapstardom and curses and drinks much more than he used to. Percival thinks he's changed. Still, they enjoy making each other sandwiches, and recently (the print doesn't get any smaller than this, unfortunately) enjoy lowering their voices and imitating MAN, most often dwelling on MAN's obsession with buying things and transportation. That's about it, I guess. I'd say I'd feel better having gotten all that out of my system, but man oh man, I really don't. BYE.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Skinny Wednesday
Happy Lent!
Yes as most people forget, Mardi Gras is Mardi Gras because the next day is Lent. Lame, lame Lent. In case you're not Catholic or in case you are and don't care, Lent is the time where for forty days and forty nights, we get ready for Jesus to die. By not eating something or not doing something. And then it's Holy Week. So actually we don't get to eat for like forty-six days. They don't tell ya that.
Anyway, as a good(?) Catholic boy, I always give up something for Lent. And that something is meat. Lent is a time for sacrifice and sacrificing meat is hard for me, because I like meat. In fact, I just finished my last Big Mac for forty-six+ days (don't you judge me). But then I think "Isn't that easy? Just giving up meat every year takes no thought at all. Maybe if I give up something additional and new each year, God won't hate me as much as I do!"
Unfortunately, I've kind of run out of things to give up. So I was wondering if people had any suggestions. I want it to be hard, but not too hard as I'm already giving up meat. I mean, let's not go crazy. Just for comparison, in the past I've given up: soda, chocolate, ice cream, video games, candy bars.
I also promise that I will go to bed by midnight and not do anything at all until I read suggestions, to prevent myself from accidentally doing the thing I pick to give up before I actually give it up. Unless it's using this blog. That'd be hard.
And no, I'm not giving up Catholicism.
Superman is a Dick
Not all of 'em are funny, and the commentary is just eh, but check this site out:
SupermanIsADick.com
There's a ton of stuff to sift through, but some of those covers are TOTALLY ridiculous. Two fun facts I learned:
1) Apparantly, DC used to repeat comic book stories, in the same comic book, about a year apart, assuming that there was a new audience every year. That's bad business, but you get multiple covers of Jimmy Olsen getting turned into a werewolf, so who cares?
2) I originally spotted a story about this on I-Mockery, which I posted here previously... But this was actually a message board nerd thing well before the I-Mockery piece.
Anywho, here's my favorite one so far:
What Alex Isn't Telling You
Uh-oh. If you believe Engadget, this doesn't look good...
I'm sure Alex would have posted this himself, but he's under his desk right now crying.
Apok of Lehigh
I'm not sure if anyone mentioned this yet (aside from Chris's's's post about the giant snow-penis) but Lehigh was freaking cool. We got in at three, did tech for four hours and then performed for another four! Well, technically we had a coupla hours off in between shows, but we were so busy dance-partying and stunt-spectacularizing that that barely counts. And by stunt-spectacular I mean that Stefan played a killer riff on one of our fake inflatable guitars, jumped over all of us and played another killer riff. It was funny, if you were a brain-dead tired sketch comedian lying on the ground afraid of Stefan landing on you. There may be pictures of this.
I think what struck me most about Lehigh was this guy at the frat house we were staying, Apok (forgive me for potentially incorrect spelling). As far as I can tell, Apok's night consisted of: playing beer pong, helping beat Elephant Larry at beer pong, then losing at beer pong because he got stuck with some EL members as teammates. We were not good at beer pong.
Once we were done with beer pong we went to a deli called Pantry 1, which had some excellent sandwiches at excellent prices at a not-so-excellent time of night. As soon as we got there, Apok proceded to get behind the counter and make our sandwiches. At 3am. Which was odd. Then what was odder was that he decided to stay there and help out. Past 3am. Making Apok one of the nicest people I ever barely met for a night or so. Cheers to you Apok!
dEATh?
Hey check it out: the Times profiled this weird guy that lives in my neighborhood. Why? Because he has a doctorate in not eating anything at all. I especially like the article for the two sentences that will probably never ever be spoken ever again:
1) "We call her Arctic Fox, but her real name is Jennifer."
&
2) "...and I absolutely live off my own urine."
Ha. I believe Stefan's commented about breatharianism before, in regards to the Shredder's dietary habits. And Jesus Christ, Geoff wrote a whole freakin' feature about it just last week. Watch out Banks and Tivo and Lindsay Lohan and Interrobangs and Elephantitus. There's a new EL obsession in town.
In related news, when my wacky neighbors aren't drinking their own urine, they're stabbing each other with cane blades.
I Didn't Like 'Em Anyway
Someone has started to develop a Wi-Fi detector ring. This means that as you walk around with your laptop, you can check your ring to see if there's a strong wireless signal in the area:
The best part is, your fingers hardly ever fall off after wearing it.
Via Engadget.
Reading-Too-Much-Into-Things Comprehension
BORING. Geoff has another piece in McSweeneys:
Reading-Too-Much-Into-Things Comprehension
Sigh, another list, another... Wait? Its a feature on their main page? Oh, that's cool then! Yay! Geoff is finally cool, everybody!
The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee
My second full time job (other than Elephant Larry), is working at the Graduate Musical Theater Writing Program at Tisch School of the Arts. What does that mean? That means, for the past four years, I've got to meet over 100 composers, lyricists, and bookwriters, all vying to write the next big musical. So far, that's been a goal that most of them have not really met.
I'm happy (actually pretty giddy) to tell you that it has, finally, happened.
Rachel Sheinkin, who was in the very first class I ever worked with, has collaborated with Bill Finn (who teaches at the school, and wrote the Tony award winning "Falsettos), to write a new musical called "The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee," which premiered last night Off-Broadway.
To, as it turns out, GLOWING reviews.
I've already read/printed out a couple of reviews this morning ('cause that's part of my job), but the most important one is the New York Times. In case you're not familiar with theater, you can get great reviews in every paper in the country, but you get a bad review in the Times, and your show is closing tomorrow. Get a good review in the Times, and you're running forever.
Turns out, the Times LOVES the show. And, in particular, which makes me happiest of all, they have enormous praise to heap on Rachel's work on the show... I was a little afraid that when you're working with one of the few superstar composers of our time (Bill Finn is basically one very small notch below Sondheim or Lloyd-Webber in musical theater buff's estimations), you'll get overshadowed. As it turns out, they liked Rachel's book better than Bill's songs.
In any case, nothing funny in this post, I'm just very proud of Rachel, and wanted to share.
Sharing is fun!
Monday, February 07, 2005
Crimnson? More like Crapnson.
So this may be old news by now, but it's definitely awesome enough to be shoved and re-shoved down all y'all throats. Courtesy of Monica:
Perhaps the best prank I've ever seen.
And just this weekend I saw an erect, four-and-a-half foot snow-penis blocking some dude's door. Poor guy.
Thing of the Decade
Extra-huge thanks to Marni for passing along to me the greatest thing ever, of any kind.
My life is at least 3 or 4 times greater now.
Land That I Love
Yesterday, after a pretty intense jam session, Stefan, Jerf and I found ourselves quietly recovering in front of Geoff's 61-inch behemoth television, waiting for all the nasty XXXIX action to begin.
That was when, in my opinion, the most entertaining television segment of the evening hit the screen (awesome Ameriquest commercial aside) . As a way to further embrace our American Pride, and also to welcome former Presidents Bush and Clinton to the game, Fox put together this strange historical reenactment of the signing of the Declaration of Independence. After a dozen awkward football players and humanitarians recited, phrase by phrase, the entire Declaration in various cities across the world, swelling orchestral music abounding, the segment settled on Ben Franklin and two other wigged dudes all looking over John Hancock's shoulder as he dramatically signed his name. And then they said something like this:
Madison: Why so large, John?
Hancock: So that old, fat George across the ocean can read it without his spectacles!
Franklin & Jefferson: HUZZAH!!!
Madison: Blah blah blah I don't remember the rest after that, but it was by far the most enthusiastic "huzzah" I've ever heard. I think the guy playing Ben Franklin even jumped in the air a little bit. Anyway, I'm pretty sure huzzah is one of those words that was said seriously only once, condemned to disuse and ridicule immediately afterwards. And I'm also pretty sure I've seen this Ben Franklin impersonator before, and that makes me a little sad for some reason.
From Now On
New Feature on the website:
From Now On
Yes, part of it was already written on this Blog by Chris. Yes, Geoff actually sent me that Feature well before Chris posted it up. Yes, Chris and Geoff are psychic lovers.
American Dreams
Last night we all went over to Geoff's to watch the Superbowl, or, as I like to call it, "Gay Superbowl."
Superbowl: Kind of fun.
Commercials: Okay, with the exception of one involving killing a cat, which still makes me giggle. But hey, I regularly kill cats and giggle about it, so whatevs.
I didn't get to see the premiere of Seth McFarlane's new show, "American Dad," though, cause I got a ride home, which was SWEET. So I have no impressions of it, except one.
Last night I had TERRIBLE nightmares. The first one, I actually felt like I was being sucked into my bed, and actually had to struggle to get out of the dream. That was scary. Then I dreamt my parents were paralyzed in a car accident, and went around doing shows of how strong they were by slicing cuts in their legs, and then the audience applauds, and there was a rumor my Dad would be nominated for President. Still, kind of a horrific nightmare. But good luck Dad!
The worst one though, which I literally woke up screaming from, was the last one, where my girlfriend broke up with me. We spent a lot of time talking, and I even changed the signs on the door that said, "Alex's Mood is Currently:" to "Angry" and "Upset," (I don't know what those signs were either), before I found out why she had broken up with me. It was because she had met a better, more handsome, more talented man: Seth McFarlane.
As I mentioned, I woke up screaming.
Name Our Show!
Hey gang,
Elephant Larry is in the process of putting together our brand new show, which will premiere in April at The PIT (Uh-oh... Was that just a BLOGSCLUSIVE???). Along with the writin', and the filmin', and the rehearsin', we have to come up with a name for our show. That's where you guys come in!
We want YOU to come up with a name for our show. Now, we can't promise we'll actually use it, 'cause we're busy coming up with names ourselves. But if we do use your name for our show, here's what you'll win:
- An Elephant Larry t-shirt!
- Two tickets to the performance of your choice!
- Geoff will do a psychological profile of your maladjustive behavior!
- Stefan will make a logo for your maladjustive behavior profile!
So what goes in to making an Elephant Larry show title? The easiest thing to do is look at the titles we've already used. Generally, they don't have a lot to do with the show itself, although sometimes we'll theme something around a title. They're not particularly pun-esque, although sometimes that happens too. I guess, basically, there's no rules.
Good luck coming up with a name! You can post in the comments here, or e-mail us at info@elephantlarry.com. To give you a little taste/a starter name, here's my favorite show name we've come up with, that we're also definitely not going to use:
Desperate Housedudes
Update! I'm bumpin' this up, cause we still haven't decided on a title. You got this week and that's it, people, so keep 'em coming!
PS That doesn't necessarily mean we've thrown out your previous ideas, we just haven't settled on anything yet... Keep up the good work, people.
Sunday, February 06, 2005
Super Bowl!!!
It's halftime and it's 7-7! I can't believe the Eagles are still in it!
Paul McCartney is performing right now. It's pretty good.
Saturday, February 05, 2005
Friday, February 04, 2005
Elephant Larry @ Lehigh!
Did you know that in addition to blogging, Elephant Larry also performs sketch comedy from time to time?
One of those performances will be this Saturday evening at Lehigh University, somewhere out near a big tunnel in Pennsylvania.
Elephant Larry at Lehigh University
PRESENTED BY: Mustard and Cheese Drama Society & Psi Upsilon Fraternity
February 5, 2005
8:00pm & 11:00pm
Black Box Theatre
Zoellner Arts Center
Tickets: $5 (Suggested Donation)
Lehigh University
27 Memorial Drive West
Bethlehem, Pa.
Click Here for More Info
Spread the word, motherfuckers!
trout what with what???
I'll just keep on posting about nerdy food things today, why not?
So in case you don't watch Food Network as much as me, those guys are going to great lengths to promote the American version of Iron Chef. In addition to pseudo-intense voiceover ads that command you to "put a little iron in your diet," they also have this one commercial that's designed to show you how all the different Iron Chefs put their own unique twist on whatever special ingredient is given to them.
Except that two of the chefs are normal and one of them is INSANE.
When given a trout, Iron Chef (and major tool) Bobby Flay says, "I can make a blue cornmeal-crusted trust with a chile sauce" or something like that. OK, fine. He specializes in Southwestern stuff; everything he cooks includes cornmeal. Rating: Sane.
Iron Chef Mario Batali says something about making a marinated trout with green and black olives. Well, yeah, he's Iron Chef Italian, he cooks with Mediterranean ingredients, olives makes perfect sense. Rating: Sane.
Then Iron Chef Japanese (from the original show) Morimoto says, "I'll make trout ice cream with eyeball!"
WHAT??!?!?!?! Rating: Insane.
AACK. I'm still thinking about it and trying not to imagine how it tastes. When will the iron chefs learn that when they have to make seafood, they shouldn't try a dessert? Case in point: I saw a guy make Creme Brulee with Cod Roe last night. He failed to win that night. I'm not shocked.
But I digress. The weird thing about this commercial is that they don't draw any attention to the fact that the first two are kinda normal and the last one is INSANE. They finish the ad by remarking on how unique the three chefs are. Without mentioning the fish eyeball dessert.
Blorf.
Wake Up! Its Time for Puzzles!
There's a good chance this product would make me want to kill myself:
I'll let their website describe it:
When it's time to leave your incredibly cosy bed each morning, not only will your ears be treated to a fantastic ringing melody, a 4-piece jigsaw puzzle randomly shoots out.Let me repeat: This clock would make me want to die.
So what you ask? Well, in order to turn off a ringing alarm, you must solve the jigsaw puzzle, assembling it back on to the clock.
That being said, its a pretty clever way to get people out of bed. And I'll sure enjoy watching all of you use it from up in Heaven.
Iggles vs. Pats
Well this is what we've all been gambling for these past 17+ weeks. The Super Bowl. The New England Patriots vs. The Philadelphia Eagles. Two teams I probably couldn't dislike any more unless they played in Dallas.
The Eagles are a natural geographic rival of my favorite football team, the New York Giants. Thus I hate them. That's pretty straight-forward. The Patriots are a little less direct. Now, I have nothing against the Patriots per se. I respect how great they are, and sure, I'd like to see them knocked off the throne, but excellence should be rewarded. However. They play in the same city/geographic region as the Red Sox. As a Yankee fan, I hold the Red Sox in low esteem, to say the least. I am a bigger Yankee fan than Giant fan. Therefore, I have chosen to root against the Patriots and for the Eagles.
Of course, that doesn't matter at all. The Patriots are going to win not because they have a supersolid clutch quarterback or a stifling defense. They are going to win because they have, probably, the best head coach of all time in Bill Belichick. In this age of parity where the Bengals can go from suck to OK and the Rams can go from awesome to suck in the blink of an eye, Bill Belichick is constantly getting his team of mostly no-names to the Super Bowl. And winning it. Which he will do again. The jerk.
And the whole game I'm gonna have to force myself to think "Hey, at least one team I don't like will lose".
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